Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The lineup is complete

And the lineup is complete, with the Sox essentially completing their badass infield defense and throwing up an atrocious number nine hitter into the mix, though he does have pretty decent power. Of course, I could also see him batting 8th, with Youkilis hitting 9 (mostly due to OBP setting for the lineup, speed, and youth). Good times.

Now I have to work on lesson plans and value functions.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Kibbles and Bits

Random thoughts on life while I try to recover from 4 hours of linear algebra:

1) Fuck Oprah. I mean, fuck her right in the ear. The guy wrote a memoir, embellished a bit, and wrote what was a moving and entertaining story. If it was cathartic for him, entertaining/emotional for her, and in general a good read, then what is the problem? Is her memoir completely accurate? Has she ever suggested something untruthful? Like convincing women worldwide that if they buy her crap their lives will be better? For the sake of humanity, it's a freaking book, a piece of entertainment by its very nature. So what if it's a little off from reality. Let it be.

2) The Resident Female and I were discussing our coffee preferences this evening, and the description "robust" seemed to please her. When I suggested I would probably be using the word "robust" in the future when discussing the models I work with, she seemed displeased. Upon further inquiry, I discovered her puzzlement was along the lines of, "why will you be working with models? And does "robust" mean like a super-model?"

To sum up: The Resident Female is so cute!

3) If I never have to do another Bellman equation, it will be too soon. Unfortunately, too soon is likely tomorrow, as I have a problem set due on Wednesday.

4) Is it wrong that I have started calling my students "The Kids"? Further, is it wrong that I want to strangle each and every one of them? How many freakin' kids can have freakin' emergencies every freakin' week? And why do they feel the need to freakin' tell me? They haven't had any quizzes or assignments due, and I've said that we don't take attendance. Do they just want me to know their name and associate it with being annoyed? I don't get it.

5) Chenqui. Da Ali G Show, Seasons 1 and 2, have now been watched in their entirety. Hilarious. Success! Link on the right, hint hint...

6) Oh, and just to further say screw Oprah, and unintentially make this guy rich in spite of her, also find Frey's book.

7) Something people forget about the whole Roe V. Wade/Alito Brewhaha: If Roe is overturned, abortion doesn't become illegal in the US, it just means the right to offer abortion reverts to the individual states as to whether or not they offer them. Note to self: if Alito is confirmed, buy lots of Southwest Love!!! (LUV)

Saturday, January 28, 2006


Hangovers and Saturday morning classes: It's Fantastic!!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

OK, forget what I said about forgetting what I said...

So, thanks to this, the deal fell through, but they may be able to resurect this by tossing in Manny Delcarmen. Okay, that would suck. I don't mind losing Mota, but Delcarmen is a young pitcher with a high-90s fastball and a nasty breaking ball. The other option is to drop Riske from the deal entirely, and have the whole thing be Marte and Shoppach for Crisp and Crap (actual name is Bard, which coincidentally was the real name of a guy in college whom I also called Crap). That makes it cool in my book.

On another note, I have nothing else to say.


Actually, for a much more preffered deal, ESPN.com is running a story that the new Reds GM might be in for a deal with Clement going to the Reds, Austin Kearns to Cleveland, and Crisp to the Sox. I much prefer this deal, though I would imagine some money would have to go to Cinncinatti in the deal. We have too many starting pitchers and too many relievers, and we need a shortsop and a center fielder, so I'd rather eject a solid but not necessary major leaguer for a desperately needed CF in lieu of 2 or 3 solid prospects, one of whom has ridiculous potential. Get it done, Theo.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

You know what? Forget what I said.

So, I think I'm starting to soften on the Crisp/Riske/Crap for Marte/Shoppach/Mota deal, and here is why:

Crisp for Marte: young, known quantity coming into his prime for a younger, unknown quantity with a hell of a lot of potential
Riske for Mota: Both variables, with Riske younger and has had more good years
Shoppach for Crap: loss in power and potentially defense, but more major league experience

So, basically, with Crisp and Crap, we are giving up potential, and that is potential with more upside, for a bit more of a known quantity. And that is what you kind of have to do some times. As for Riske for Mota, that works out in the Sox favor, with upside coming back our way. So, really, it isn't that big a loss. Sure, Marte has the potential to be the next Mike Schmidt, then again he has the potential to be a huge bust, as well. Personally, I see him being a solid 3B, but not necessarily a world beater. If I had to take a guess, I would say he more likely makes 2 all-star games in his career, and he puts together a solid career, but not hall-worthy one that some people seem to think . Sure, that is a lot to give up, but then again we are getting a solid, young center-fielder with very few question marks and several years of service due before he hits the free agent market. Basically, I think I might have been too excited about the potential Marte has, and not rationally thought about the fact that perhaps his potential would never be realized.

Also, it is not as if this depletes the Sox farm system, which is something to remember. In addition to Paplebon likely seeing a lot of time, we still have very solid prospects in our system in Lester, Pedroia, Murphy, Hansen, Delcarmen, Lowrie, Ellsbury, Moss, and possibly Pinckney. Throw in that the front office (i.e. Theo) is the same one who drafted all those guys, and hopefully will continue the strong drafting they have done in the future, we need to remember that, despite giving up Ramiriz, Sanchez, Shoppach, and Marte during this offseason, we still are strong in young talent. Are all those guys in our system going to pan out? No, but neither are the ones we gave up, and at least we are getting young, relatively cheap proven quantities for some other teams to find out if the players we gave up are really that good. Meanwhile, we are coming out of this offseason with Josh Beckett and probably Coco Crisp for several more years. And remember, Beckett is about the same age as Paplebon, and Crisp is the same age as Shoppach. So it isn't like we are getting older veterans on the downsides of their careers. Sure, we've probably lost a bit of upside potential from our farm system, especially with the Crisp trade, but we gained a lot more in known major league quantities for relatively cheap salaries.

PS- Think of this team's defense: Gold Gloves at C, 3B, 1B, and close to it at 2B and SS (assuming Gonzalez signs as reported). Meanwhile Coco is currently younger and faster than Damon in CF with a much better arm (by default). Okay, our corner outfielders are an adventure (expect to see a lot of Adam Stern in the late innings), but that is still going to be a pretty solid defense now. No more Edgar "E6" Renteria.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Um, please no?


Responding to this comment, about this story, I have to say this deal sucks.

Sox get:
4 years control of Crisp, a plus defender and decent bat
A reliever that has had one fantastic year
A crap, switch-hitting catcher, who I don't know his defense

Sox give up:
5+ years of the best 3B prospect out there
A reliever that has had a few fantastic years, but not recently
A strong defensive catcher with great power

I don't know. I don't like it, especially since we seem to be keeping too many relievers already. The deal would be palatable (not great, just palatable) if Shoppach weren't in there. Marte and Mota for Crisp and Riske kind of works, but again I feel like we are getting at least partially hosed.

Anyhow, that is my response.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Hooray for Classes!

I'm off to my first section of Saturday classes. And I am so freakin' excited.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Welcome back, Theo

So, apparently, Theo is back in a quasi-official capacity. Which is good. On Monday they will outline the official agreement to the media, as there appear to be a few issue left to hammer out. What those are, I'm not sure, but here is a guess as to what Theo is asking for:

1) A rotating collection of gorilla, chimpanzee, alligator, and Britney Spears costumes in case he ever needs to make a quick exit again.
2) At the next office party, Luccinno must either apoligize or shoot the Schilling's-Bloody-Sock boot
3) The Sox sign Eddie Veder to a minor league contract
4) Dan Shaughnessy is ex-communicated by the pope, raped by Zed and the gimp, torn apart by wild horses, and his bloody stumps are flown to opposite corners of the earth.
5) The third Friday of every month, they get a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Introducing the "Rants In The Pants Dating Service"

1) Let me start out by saying how thrilled I am that my comments section following a post primarily about sports has evolved into a proving grounds for the worth of a loyal reader's value as a hook-up and also a whether or not my old roommate can hook up with her. This has made me realize the power that the Rants that exist in my Pants (or perhaps just the Pants themselves, which deserved to be capitalized) have the ability to bring people the world over together in an amorous setting. I mean, on the one hand we have a hockey-loving, amazing-until-otherwise-proven hook-up girl, on the other we have a stand-up and forthright gentleman with a penchant for degenerate gambling, and they have never even seen a picture of each other, yet Dorf is tempted to stray from the love of his life and Lindsey is boasting of her hook-up prowess in a public forum. That is truly amazing, to me, and it gave me an idea.

Had I known the power of this weblog, I would have probably capitalized on its success much earlier (cough! Amazon links! Cough!), so I am officially launching Fletcher Austin McGuffin's "Looking for Love In The Pants Dating Service". If you are a single or married-but-looking person with fewer than 6 STD's (note: HIV and full-blown AIDS count as two), and you want to be hooked up with one of numerous other beautiful people who frequent my weblog, please send an email to the new Dating Service link on the right (the one below the email address that I haven't checked in nearly 4 months because all it gets is junk mail), and I will hook you up. In the email, Men please include your name, age, annual income, and a credit card number with experiation date and verification number from the back. Women, please include your name, age, and a photo of yourself with no fewer than one boob fully exposed (note: photo not required, or even allowed, if BMI is over 26). Then, just wait for the offers to come pouring in. I'll be in touch, I swear.

Monday, January 16, 2006

You've got to be kidding me

A few random thoughts while contemplating the state of refereeing in the NFL

1) Seriously, was there one game this weekend that didn't have at least two major, game turning calls that were just blatantly wrong? I mean, offensive pass interference called on the defense, interception/fumbles called an incompletion, an aborted 4th-and-inches that had no penalty called on anyone (how is that fucking possible? If they line up and no snap happens, there has to be either a false start or offsides. There has to. How can there not? Look, if the O-line gets set, a play has to be run, it is in the freaking rule book!), Andre Davis being tackled by the facemask with two hands, etc. I mean, if there is a story this weekend, it is how bad the officiating was, and that is it.

2) So the Pats run came to an end, with the final score New England 13, Denver 13, Refs 14. I don't want it to sound like sour grapes, and god knows the Pats look sloppy the whole game, but it is much harder to take the defeat when the officiating was so bad. If Denver had come out, whooped the Pats legitimately, okay, I'd take it. But when they get two 1st downs on the 1 yd line because of messed up calls, and they lead to the margin of victory, well, that sucks. Look, when you have Brady making a critical mistake at a the biggest moment in the game, not to mention missing open recievers all day and not beating the blitz, Adam V shanking a kick, and Troy Brown putting the ball on the floor, well, you probably aren't going to win. Still, even with 5 turnovers, you have to wonder. It doesn't feel like the Pats should have lost that game.

3) Well, after the Pats got eliminated, I immedeately decided I was rooting for the NFC participant in the superbowl, with the Panthers being my chosen one. Seriously, when the three teams I like the least (with the Jets maybe sneaking past one of them if push comes to shove) are the only ones left, I guess I'm just rooting for injuries (kidding!). Indy, well, they are led by the A-Rod of baseball, this generation's John Elway, the snivelling piece of crap who feels the world is owed to him but lacks the flesh balloons to go out and win it. Screw them (and man, was that shank fantastic, to the extent that I called it the moment they started driving down the field, and I have witnesses), and despite the refs giving them back Peyton's gift to Polomalu, they still lost. Now, in the AFC, we have the Steelers and the Broncos: one team that prides themselves on hurting offensive players on the other team playing the team that makes their hay trying to end defensive linemen's careers. Seriously, when this game is over, the playing field is going to look like that field in Gone With The Wind, bodies strewn about, and women with bad accent (Steelers fans) bitching and moaning. This grudge match is the least appetizing game to watch since the Mets-Yankees world series, or maybe even when Mothra and Godzilla battled each other for the right to destroy Tokyo. Man, these two teams suck.

4) Another thing, for the last two weeks, it seemed like every time Bettis ran the ball, they cut to a shot of his two parents, jumping up and down, tidally locked in celebration, high-fiving every time their moon of a son reached escape velocity from them. Yet, when Bettis tried to hand the game back to Peyton, they didn't show those fat bastards in the stands. That is what I was waiting for. Also, how manny times did those teams keep bailing the other one out? I mean, that has to be the worst game ever, despite what Peter Kings says. I mean, Manning and the line kept saying, "here, take the game", but the refs kept saying, "No! wait!", then Jerome pops in and says, "We're going to overtime, baby" before Vanderjaggoff pops up and says, "I'm still bitter at Peyton and Dungy for making fun of me a few years ago, take this you sons of bitches!". That game sucked ass.

5) Okay, so my neighbor seem to be making Meth or are slaughtering animals next door, and I can't hear the music coming from the speakers on my computer, I have to take care of this.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

The Straightest Point between Two Courses is a Line

Random thoughts for a Saturday as the Resident Female sleeps and I jitter in anticipation of the Pats game:

-I am both afraid of the Broncos and supremely confident that the Pats will win. How is that possible?
-Nirvana Unplugged is still the greatest album ever recorded
-But Greenday's American Idiot is pretty damn good
-Why can't Alito give his opinion on recently decided cases? His arguments, that it would be a conflict of interests, makes the corrallary argument: The only person who has no freedom to discuss their views on cases are the one who we have to decide to give that power to...
-I don't care what anybody says: Jake Plummer is a crappy quarterback. You cannot convince me otherwise, and this includes the shock-collar treatment Mike Shanahan gave him this year.
-Speaking of Mike Shanahan, am I the only one who thinks he looks like a cross between Martin Sheen and a pissed off Stuart Little?
-I can't tell if the new 24 looks good (a la season 1 and 2), over the top (season 4), or just crappy (season 3).
-The Safeway sodas are just as good as their non-generic models, but a lot cheaper. Stop & Shop needs to catch up with them.
-Samurai Sudoku is way too addictive.
-The Kite Runner is a phenomenal book, as is David Halberstram's The Education of a Coach
-Testicles are both a blessing and a curse
-Tony Siragusa gives me a seizure whenever he speaks.
-The movie Murderball is unbelievable. A fantastic way to spend 80 minutes.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Applications stink

So, I have spent the last three hours doing two job applications for the summer. This sucks. Fortunately, the two I most want for this summer (and thus are the two I am least likely to get) are in. I feel like I should finish the other six, but I need a break. I'm thinking of just becoming a hobo for the summer: not paying rent and just studying for my comps in the gutter, sleeping on steam grates at night, and not showering for weeks on end. It will be just like college.

Also, I may or may not have mentioned that, in addition to my studies and the class I TA, next semester I am leading discussion sections for a large group of Brazilian civil servants sent up to DC for a few months. I just got the material they have to cover, and let me tell you, this is going to suck. These two-hour twice-a-week groups are covering monsterous amounts of material, and somehow I have to cover it all with them (and lecture intelligently on it, which may or may not happen). This is like another class. Fantastic. I've already marked down on my calendar the day I will officially have a psychotic break, and it is a lot earlier in the semester than I would have liked.

Yes, I'm aware that this entry is pretty much entirely a bitch session. Deal with it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Sesquicentennial Post

1) Yes, for those that hadn't figured it out from the title, we have hit the 150th post mark. Hooray. In honor of this monumental occasion, we will have an extra long, 15 point post.

2) So, the first Congrats to the Pats. Hell of a game, and bring on the Donkeys (Denver version). We'll see if they roll over the Pats as easily as they did in the season with Faulk, Dillon, Seymour, Bruschi, Hobbs, et al playing instead of Amos Zeroue and Duane Starks.

3) Oh, real analysis? Okay, fine. The Pats need to work Watson and Graham up the center of the field, drawing the slow safeties into the center of the field and away from the line of scrimmage, freeing up the outside receivers to go one-on-0ne with the two rookie corners (counting their nickel) and removing the deep help for Bailey, who tends to get burnt deep. Though the Broncos front seven is fairly sturdy, they didn't have much success rushing the passer at any time during the year, so max protection is probably not needed to allow deep plays to develop. Running on them should be tough, especially in the 1-4 holes, but running a few counters as well as some screen passes should allow the Patriots to attack the perimeter a bit more effectively.

4) On defense, with the return of Seymour making Wilfork, Colvin, and McGinest look again like world-beaters, I think the running game should be much less effective than the Broncos are used to. I think the Broncos level of success on this side of the ball is going to come down to whether Jake Plummer can have success against the Patriots secondary, which is kind of like a moveable object hitting a resistable force. So, judging from the regular season meeting, Billicheck key to the game is making sure Duane Starks is nowhere near the state of Colorado. If the front seven can get a good pass rush on Plummer, and the Pats can extract the pick-prone Jake Plummer that we all know and love, the Pats should have a pretty good chance at this one. Look for a lot of cover-2 defensive looks that are just masked cover 4s, where hopefully Plummer lays a few INTs into the center of the field in the 15-20 yard range.

5) Jim Ed got hosed, as did Dawson. It is sad to see that my favorite player when I was growing up may have just missed his last great chance at the hall.

6) Joe Thorton has officially become the evil villian. Thank god he only took out Hal Gill and not Samsonov or Bergeron.

7) I feel for the Resident Female. I really do. When you wait 15 years for a playoff game, and the first pass play looks like a huge victory on a 60+ yard bomb, only to find that some ass-bag (and a former Bengal ass-bag to boot) has just crippled your star QB after his beautiful rainbow of a pass, well, that just sucks. I'm starting to wonder if Mike Brown perhaps just had his Faustian deal come home to haunt him (with the star quarterback being his Thomas Mann-esque musical skills).

8) So Momma McGuffin finally saw the new apartment, visiting for a few days, and thankfully she approved. Fortunately, she found the whole trip very relaxing, and seemed to have a wonderful time. I'm always glad to do my part.

9) I've put it off for a while, but I guess it is time to address the Yankees/Steady B's claim. Say what you want, but their pitching staff blows goats. I don't want to bother looking up the stats, ages, and peripherals, so if you want to discredit/confirm my claims, feel free to do the legwork for me. Here is the pitching staff:

Randy Johnson- Age 42, highest HR totals of career last year, and a complete douche. Sometimes scary, sometimes old. Everything you could want in an ace. Oh, wait.

Mike Mussina- no reason to think his steady decline will abate. My money is that it accelerates.

Shawn Chacon- young enough that he could be good.

Chien-Ming Wang- I don't trust anyone who doesn't drop their maiden name, especially when it is a part of their first name.

Aaron Small- Um, no.

Tanyon Sturtze- This guy's picture looks like a cross between Greg Maddux and a rat on steroids, and he lays more meatballs across the plate than chef boyarde and peter north combined.

Nuts to that. I'll take Beckett, Schilling, Wakefield, Arroyo, Paplebon/Clement/Wells.

10) 15? Man this is hard. Is anybody even still reading? Well, I guess I could bitch about my schedule for the upcoming semester. Here is my weekly schedule:
M: 1:30-3:30 PM, 6-10PM
T: 9:30-10:30 AM
W: 1:30-3:30 PM, 6-10PM
R: 9:30-10:30 AM, 7-9PM
F: 8AM-noon, 1:30-3:30PM
S: 9-11AM
S: Off

Yea! I finally have Saturday classes again! Now all I need is terrible acne and my virginity back, and it will be just like high school all over again!

11) The Jets have asked the Patriots for permission to interview Mangini. Really? Okay, first, why would you need permission from the Pats to do that? Second, they just get done with a terrible coach like Herm Edwards, so why on earth would you want to replace him with a mangina, much less multiple mangini?

12) Julian "Kruger" Tavarez to the Sox. I'll take it. But only if he takes his medication.

13) Screw Flanders.
14) Screw Flanders.
15) Screw Flanders.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Okay, we'll go with that...

Before I respond to totaly jackassiny, I must admit that I am drunk ridiculously drunk, but still cogent...

Steady B said...
"Shortstop is only the most important position in the infield, and Center the most important in the outfield. Where arethey goingto get these people. Despite Johnny Sellouts projected decrease in production he is a great leadoff guy. Lets not forget that the Yankees have no weakness. None. As much as I hate to accept it, but its best to mail the Yankees their World Series rings now. "

Um, no.

Okay, we'll go with what B said. Because, CF and SS are important defensive positions, lets sign guys at those positions that have no bats but great defense (and thus add nothing offensively but are solid/gold glove defenders). Okay, that costs us, oh maybe $2MM. Well, crap, that means we have as our starting lineup, 1-7, the following:
1Youk (who may approach .400 OBP)
2Loretta (made for the 2 hole like a pron penis)
3Manny (Best righty in the AL)
4Ortiz (Oh, yeah, we should be worried about the best clutch hitter in the game)
5Varitek (best switch hitting cather siince whenever)
6Lowell/Marte (Monster lover/Best prospect in baseball)
7Nixon/Platoon (not sure against lefties, but righties are crapping their jeans)

So, yes, let's mail the Yankees, with their rotation of Mussina, Aaron Smalls, Randy (Im not quite 50 yet) Johnson, Shawn Chacon, and whomever, their rings. Because I fear Rivera's cutter still, and Octavio Dotel is utterly and totallty the bomb, without a doubt their answer to the eighth inning. So they will automatically beat everyone. No question. That is the story. Because we all know that "pitching wins championships" is dead wrong, it is actually "a loose and angry conglomeration of old and over-the-hill superstars wins championships". So the Yankees are a lock. Good call, Steady B. My bad, you're right. No need for a season. Coudos! Let's just wait for oh-seven.

Snow? In January?

The Sox signed 37-year-old JT Snow to platoon with Kevin Youkilis at 1B, so mark that spot down as covered in my book. That should be a decent platoon, with Snow still a very solid defender with some pop left in his bat. Now all the Sox need is a SS, a CF, and to trade a few starters, and this will be a heck of a team. Good times.


1) So I survived the ski trip relatively unharmed, not even falling (much less getting injured) during my four days on the slopes. Actually, the only time I fell all weekend was when I slipped on a patch of ice on the outdoor pool deck the day near the health club. Which was great, though I was able to brush myself off and not suffer any critical injuries. However, I did get injured by a blast of steam when trying to help my mom fix her mini-latte machine she got for christmas. So I've got that going for me.

2) Maybe it is because I hadn't spent an extensive amount of time in New England for a while, or maybe it is just worse than normal, but I think the local media (and WEEI callers) have officially lost it. How can the front office of the Sox, the same front office that was being praised as a wonderful regime for getting Andy Marte, Mark Lorretta, and Josh Beckett, be cripplingly ineffective when they don't overpay an aging centerfield whose value mostly comes from his declining speed? I mean, man, the worm sure turned very quickly there. Note to Sox fans: we are fine. We are getting younger. We have more funds available. We have a heck of a rotation. The defense is getting much better. The three holes in our everyday players will be filled, with the two most glaring spots that generally are not power positions (SS and CF), and first base may already have an answer in house (Youkilis or Lowell at 1B, or possibly both with Marte at 3B). Settle down. I'm willing to have a hole or two in the lineup if we can get a strong defenseman at SS/CF. And, apparently Manny just said he wants to stay, too, so we have that going for us.

3) I was a huge Raycroft fan, but I have seen the future, and his name is Hannu Toivonen. We have two young, potential stud goalies. Now all we need is a defense and we are all set.

4) So I attended my first game at The Razor, watching the Pats JV drop a close game to Miami. Despite the Resident Female becoming hypothermic and frozen to the ground by the end of the game, a good time was had by all. I had fantastic seats, just off the twenty yard line and 14 rows up, about equal with where Flutie was when he kicked his historic dropgoal. Needless to say, it was very neat. I also was very impressed with Matt Cassell. Considering he threw more passes in that game than he had in his four years in college, I thought he did very well. It is nice to know that if the unthinkable were to happen in the near future, we aren't relying on another Scott Zolak to save our season.

5) Speaking of the Pats, I feel like I am the only one worried about the game on Saturday, and I am confused. I still think (hope (pray)) the Pats are going to win it, but the media consensus seems to think the old Pats are back, and they are set to cruise to next weekend with little trouble. Don't get me wrong, I would love it if that were the case, but these are the same Pats that only beat one quality team since the early days of the season, back when there was a semblence of a secondary and starting line. I know the Pats have thrashed the teams they were suppossed to lately, and they looked very good doing it, but I don't think that handing the Jets, Bills, and the Bucs their collective asses necessarily means we can just pencil in four wins in the next five weeks. I'm optimistic about the possibility, but I am much less confident this year than I was even in 2001. That's all I'm saying.

6) Of course, much to the Resident Female's chagrin, here is what I think is happening in the playoffs: Pats beat Jax, Pit beats Cin. Pats beat Denver, Pit beats Indy. Pats beat Pit @ NE. In Detroit, Brady goes to 13-0 in the playoffs, with Ben Watson getting the Superbowl MVP. On that day, the Resident Female also decides that she is down for a threesome with the now-single Rebecca Romijn. Rebecca agrees to it as long as it is filmed, since she and I have wanted to do a project together for some time now. The film becomes the single highest grossing film of all time, and I can retire, having signed on for 80% of the net profit. I then purchase the Bruins and run it like I have half a clue, which represents a huge stride forward for the franchise.

7) It's also really nice to see that USC fans just got a taste of what I experienced for three horrendous years under the Pete Carroll era. There is no way this guy is a good coach. So, Pete, take your 1.5-national-titles-in-a-row trophy, and sit down. You had that game won in the first quarter, and you had it one in the fourth quarter, and your team just kept giving it away. And on that 4th-2: 31 Dive? 31 Dive? Your kidding, right? I mean, the Texans had both the gaurds face up with the linebackers obviously stacking up to shoot the A and B gaps on either side of center. It had been so long, I had forgotten why I hated you.