Introducing the "Rants In The Pants Dating Service"

1) Let me start out by saying how thrilled I am that my comments section following a post primarily about sports has evolved into a proving grounds for the worth of a loyal reader's value as a hook-up and also a whether or not my old roommate can hook up with her. This has made me realize the power that the Rants that exist in my Pants (or perhaps just the Pants themselves, which deserved to be capitalized) have the ability to bring people the world over together in an amorous setting. I mean, on the one hand we have a hockey-loving, amazing-until-otherwise-proven hook-up girl, on the other we have a stand-up and forthright gentleman with a penchant for degenerate gambling, and they have never even seen a picture of each other, yet Dorf is tempted to stray from the love of his life and Lindsey is boasting of her hook-up prowess in a public forum. That is truly amazing, to me, and it gave me an idea.

Had I known the power of this weblog, I would have probably capitalized on its success much earlier (cough! Amazon links! Cough!), so I am officially launching Fletcher Austin McGuffin's "Looking for Love In The Pants Dating Service". If you are a single or married-but-looking person with fewer than 6 STD's (note: HIV and full-blown AIDS count as two), and you want to be hooked up with one of numerous other beautiful people who frequent my weblog, please send an email to the new Dating Service link on the right (the one below the email address that I haven't checked in nearly 4 months because all it gets is junk mail), and I will hook you up. In the email, Men please include your name, age, annual income, and a credit card number with experiation date and verification number from the back. Women, please include your name, age, and a photo of yourself with no fewer than one boob fully exposed (note: photo not required, or even allowed, if BMI is over 26). Then, just wait for the offers to come pouring in. I'll be in touch, I swear.