Thursday, January 19, 2006

Introducing the "Rants In The Pants Dating Service"

1) Let me start out by saying how thrilled I am that my comments section following a post primarily about sports has evolved into a proving grounds for the worth of a loyal reader's value as a hook-up and also a whether or not my old roommate can hook up with her. This has made me realize the power that the Rants that exist in my Pants (or perhaps just the Pants themselves, which deserved to be capitalized) have the ability to bring people the world over together in an amorous setting. I mean, on the one hand we have a hockey-loving, amazing-until-otherwise-proven hook-up girl, on the other we have a stand-up and forthright gentleman with a penchant for degenerate gambling, and they have never even seen a picture of each other, yet Dorf is tempted to stray from the love of his life and Lindsey is boasting of her hook-up prowess in a public forum. That is truly amazing, to me, and it gave me an idea.

Had I known the power of this weblog, I would have probably capitalized on its success much earlier (cough! Amazon links! Cough!), so I am officially launching Fletcher Austin McGuffin's "Looking for Love In The Pants Dating Service". If you are a single or married-but-looking person with fewer than 6 STD's (note: HIV and full-blown AIDS count as two), and you want to be hooked up with one of numerous other beautiful people who frequent my weblog, please send an email to the new Dating Service link on the right (the one below the email address that I haven't checked in nearly 4 months because all it gets is junk mail), and I will hook you up. In the email, Men please include your name, age, annual income, and a credit card number with experiation date and verification number from the back. Women, please include your name, age, and a photo of yourself with no fewer than one boob fully exposed (note: photo not required, or even allowed, if BMI is over 26). Then, just wait for the offers to come pouring in. I'll be in touch, I swear.

4 Comments:

At 1:19 PM, January 19, 2006, Anonymous Dorf said...

Apparently I'm obese, with a BMI of 30.1. Not good times. I bet Lindsey wouldn't even want me anyway.

plgqxpdc

Fletcher, I think these word verifications are getting too long...

 
At 9:36 PM, January 19, 2006, Blogger Lindsey said...

if you ever bothered to read my blog (which is annoying and whiney and i wouldn't read it if you payed me) you would know that i have terrible taste in men (including dating married men) and will go out with just about any loser with money and the ability to hold a tune when singing sinatra. or you know anyone who wants to try and satiate my sexual desires. (no one ever has) the problem would be you being on the other side of the country

 
At 10:07 PM, January 19, 2006, Blogger Lindsey said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:56 AM, January 27, 2006, Anonymous New Mexico Men said...

Twenty bucks says Lindsey's sexual abilities rank right up there with her spelling and grammatical stylings. No one has ever satiated her sexual desires?? Maybe that is because no one would ever want to commit to 3 minutes of cunninlingus and the requisite 45 minutes of run-on sentences and ear-bleeding babble.

We consider ourselves lucky that we are gay men.

 

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