Gambling on my demise

So, Fletcher is about to embark on a long road trip to Maine, planning to hit the slopes and lose some of the stone-and-a-half that I have tacked onto my midsection this holiday season. In the sporting spirit, I have devised the following odds which people can bet on:

Fletcher breaks his leg skiing- 4:1

Fletcher goes snowblind- 11:1

Fletcher skiis into the woods- 2:1

Fletcher skiis into the woods and is sodomized by a polar bear- 15:1

Fletcher falls, gets concussed, and finds Jesus- 7:1

Fletcher falls, gets concussed, and finds Satan- 8:1

Fletcher goes too fast, flails his arms, and blinds someone with his ski pole- 1:1

Fletcher goes too fast, flails his arms, and blinds himself with his ski pole- Oh, no, I'm not doing that again

Fletcher gets his tongue stuck to the ski lift while licking frost- 9:1

Fletcher sees an attractive snow-bunny and loses control of his bowels- 3:1

The Resident Female finds out about this and breaks up with Fletcher- 2:1

Fletcher falls, get depantsed by the snow, and a skier mistakes his bare, white ass for a hairy mogul leading to possibly the most painful injury in the history of skiing- 18:1

So, wish me luck!