Thursday, June 29, 2006

I'm an optimist, or at least I hope I am.

1) "It's not disappointing at all. I think I won a game on one side," Martinez said. "I think the reception I got really overmatched whatever I did out there today, which wasn't much. I'm extremely happy I was able to come back. I didn't have my 'A' game today and they took advantage of it. I couldn't make pitches and basically you just tip your hat and let it go and get ready for the next time.

"Not even a win would give me the satisfaction I got from the reception from the fans. I will always appreciate them and keep them in my heart, and I will never forget this, regardless of the results of the game. I will always remember that as one of the best moments in my life." -Pedro Martinez

2) As nice a story as the whole Mets-Sox, Pedro's return was, I think we saw last night why Pedro left. He is still an elite pitcher, and he will still end the year with great numbers for the Mets, but his reign of dominance was dribbling away in the hitter-heavy AL East. I'm not saying that Pedro isn't still a baseball deity, and I'm definitely not saying that our team couldn't use him right now (or last year, or next year), but perhaps it is for the best that he gets to preserve his win percentage, ERA, and other career rate-stats in the Senior Circuit.

3) And I'm not saying Pedro can't be dominant anymore. There are two great offenses and Albert Pujols in the NL, and Pedro pitches with one of them behind him, and Bronson Arroyo pitching for the other. He can dominate the league without having to crank it up until the playoffs (in the same way he cranked it up in 2003 and 2004 postseason). Come the postseason, I doubt Pedro will give up 8 runs in any of the 3 potential postseason series, much less any post-season start.

4) I bet Lastings Milledge can't wait to get the hell out of Fenway.

5) 11 in a row, ho! Let's get the dozen tonight and then look to make it a baker's on friday.

6) Speaking of tonight, I think this game might be the best pitching matchup of 1998.

7) Also, did anyone else notice that the first 8 innings of the game were pitched by former Sox? Pedro, 3 innings. Darren Oliver, 3 innings. Chad Bradford, 1 inning. Kinda' weird.

8) Final thought on Pedro: look at this season. He gave up 8 runs last night. In 2000, he didn't give up 8 runs in a game all year (high was 6 against the Royals). In fact, he never gave up 8 runs in two consecutive starts. Hell, he didn't give up 8 runs in the entire month of April. Or May. Or July. Or September. Only two starts all year where he gave up more than 3 runs. Worked upto the 7th in 27 of his 29 starts, one of which was the last start of the year where he only gave up 1 hit through 5 and got the win. Greatest season by a right-hander since, well, his 1999 season. We love you Pedro. You were a god to us.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Man, that is ugly

So, apparently, Rudy Seanez has allow 10 of 14 inheirited runners to score. 6-0 now 6-5 because of that douchebag. Let's get some of those runs back.

A few quick hit thoughts for a nasty Monday morning

1) Had my ipod on shuffle through my entire library this morning , and a Violent Femmes song came on that I hadn't heard in a while. While listenint to it, I realize something: if there is a better song out there about a guy going insane and pushing his daughter into a well on a camping trip than Country Death Song, I don't want to know about it.

2) Supersonic may be Oasis' best song.

3) My sneakers are still wet from the flash-flooding DC experienced last night, which of course brings me back to one of the central axioms of my life: there is no better feeling on a crappy Monday morning that slipping a fresh pair of socks into a soggy set of shoes. I hate Mondays.

4) Beckett looks good again. So does Schilling.

5) I honestly believe that the best thing that ever happened for Jason Bateman's acting career was Tom Brady becoming a deity.

6) Papelbon's splitter is better than Schilling's at this point.

7) Capote would have been better if they didn't make Phillip Seymour Hoffman use that ridiculous accent. I know that is how Capote talks, but still.

8) If you watch "The Break up" and watch any scene with Jon Favreau and Vince Vaugh together on screen, then take a look at the two of them in Swingers, it looks like the two of them murdered a small Indian tribe and devoured them all. I mean, it is like there are three people on screen, not two. Just massive.

9) When I look around my barren apartment, all I can think is this: furniture is overrated.

10) I like traffic lights. I like traffic lights. I like traffic lights, but only when they're green.

11) Never, under any circumstances, go to a wine tasting expo the day before you have to go to work. I feel like turd.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Gabe's Curtain Call

In the process of winning their 7th game in a row, the Sox got incredible production out of the clean-up spot. 4 of 5, 3 homers and a double, for a total of 8 runs batted in during a 10-2 victory over the Phillies. Manny got the first 5, with an RBI double, a solo shot, and a 3-run homer. In the late innings, Gabe Kapler came in as a defensive replacement for Manny and crushed another 3-run homer over the monster. Having worked his ass (and his leg) back after a debilitating Achilles tendon injury, Gabe came in and salted the game away for the Sox. The crowd responded at first with joyous cheers that slowly changed into "We want Gabe! We want Gabe!" The crowd, having one of the most popular back-up outfielders in Sox history back, wanted the curtain call to acknowledge that Gabe was, in fact, back. He would soon oblige, and the crowd met him with resounding cheers as he tipped his cap for us. What a moment. But I couldn't help but think how odd it was that a guy that is little more than a role player on the team could have so much popularity among a city as notoriously hard to win over as Boston. Then I realized something.

Our irrational love of Gabe (and OC, and Lou Merloni, and...) just shows the blueprint for how to be loved in Boston: play the game with the enthusiasm that we all did as a kid. Adults playing a child's game, a child's game that offers joy and emotion to an entire region that wishes they were out under the lights, a region that rises and falls with the ebb and flow of every game from April to October, should enjoy what they do. Kapler exudes that joy, and we love him for it. And he loves playing in Boston, and worked his ass off to get back here after a catastrophic injury; he put in the kind of effort that we would give to have just one AB in Boston under the lights. He rehabbed and worked so hard and so long for the one opportunity that we all fantisized about since we were children playing with a wiffle ball in our back yards. We'll love any player that works so hard to even glimpse the chance of playing in Fenway, playing for the Old Towne Team. We'll love anyone that reminds us why we loved the game so much from the time we were young, and why we'll continue to love it until the day we die. We Boston fans, we're actually pretty simple to figure out when it comes down to it: we'll love you if you love the game as much as we do. Plain and simple. And Gabe does.

Welcome back. We missed you.

Friday, June 23, 2006

This just in

There are going to be some interesting signs at Fenway tomorrow...

Also, this from Wakefield about Paxton Crawford:
"If he admits to taking steroids, that's his fault. He shouldn't deface the organization by saying someone else told him to take it. That's stupid... To me he sounds like a guy who's bitter at the organization. He should be thankful they gave him an opportunity to play. No one forced him to take anything. I remember him not being too bright. That's what I remember about him."

Blackouts, Weddings, & Fatass Pitchers

Edited 9:45

1) So Chinatown lost power last night in the middle of packing. The entire grid went out, which of course was a bit of a crimp in the packing plans, so that means tonight will be a massive effort in terms of putting together an acceptable level of packed material. Since we are moving on Saturday, and we only have a very limited window to get all our stuff into the pod because the fascists in the building insist it can only be there for a few hours (requiring an extra $75 fee, woohoo!). Once again, we are stuck in moving hell. Fantastic. I can't wait until I'm rich and 1) don't have to move and 2) can afford movers if I do move. I haven't lived in one place longer than 13 months without having some sort of personal move since I was in 8th grade. This suck.

2) Oh, and Chinatown with absolutely no lights, includding traffic lights, is unbelievably creepy. It feels like entering a freakin' graveyard. A freakin' graveyard filled with bums and crack-addicts. I'm glad they fixed the power grid.

3) Speaking of bums and hobos, I also saw one hell of a police take down yesterday. When the power went out, the Resident Female and I decided to go out for dinner, as we had no power to cook anything and no lights to stare lovingly at each other with. Walking on H between 5th and 6th, there were a ton of police cars, with more crashing the block from all directions. A kid actually ran across the street and nearly smashed into me, then stopped and turned into a nervous "I didn't do shit, I'm not with those guys getting arrested I swear" walk. Well, he obviously didn't see the guy in the NYPD t-shirt hauling ass across the street behind him, because he ran up right behind him and clobbered him. The kid dropped to the ground and was promptly cuffed. On top of this, out of the dozen plus cop cars screaming into the block, all the cops running around seemed to have on kevlar vests, implying that this was some pre-planned raid. Not sure if the blackout randomly coincided with the takedown, or if it was a part of it, but it was a happening time in Chinatown, let me tell you. Mayhem in the streets. I can't wait until I move.

4) Joe Thorton, San Jose. MVP. I hate the Bruins. Somebody competent needs to buy that freaking team.

5) Clemens made his first start of the year last night, and I saw the first few innings at dinner. In a strange way, it was satisfying to watch Roger waddle his fat ass to the mound, labor through 5 innings, throwing foul after foul on pitcher's counts to the murderer's row of a lineup that is the... Minnesota Twins. It made me happy that, after spending the winter and the first few months of this season attempting to whore himself out to every team with a pulse and a checkbook trying to scare Houston into ponying up massive amounts of money (note: it worked), that he had returned to his "Last Few Years In Boston Off-Season Workout Plan". The boy looked big. I mean BIG. Fat fatty fat fat fat. I mean, approaching David Wells fat. Here's to hoping that in his next start he takes a liner off his knee. Or, failing that, his nuts.

6) After all these years, I finally have a sister. Yep, the Brother McGuffin finally tied the knot, a few weeks shy of his 30th birthday. Beautiful ceremony, and boy did that best man look dapper. Congrats, bro.

7) I have a non-sexual man-crush on John Lester. And Jonathon Papelbon. Seriously, next years rotation will shape up in on of the two following ways:

Schilling, Beckett, Wake, Paps, Lester with Hansen closing
Schilling, Beckett, Wake, Lester, Clement with Paps closing

My goodness, my Guinness.

8) I've been watching the DVDs of the first season of Rescue Me, and it is one of the best shows I have ever seen. Funny mixed with occasional poignancy. Get it. Link on the right.

9) Oh, and thank you Comcast for cutting off my cable and internet two weeks before I asked you to, then taking three days to turn it back on. Why is it that the only thing this organization can seem to accomplish on time or early is taking away services? I mean, this is what they do for a living, right? Couldn't they spend some money on figuring out how to actually run an organization well rather than putting out those freaking "the cable industry has created jobs over the last 30 years" advertisements on television? Seriously, who cares? Great, you employ a bunch of jackasses who can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to arrive on time or set shit up properly, have horrible equipment that breaks down seemingly every three weeks, rude telephone operators, and you spend the astronomical fees we pay you on advertisements suggesting you create jobs. Okay, it's true that cable has created jobs for Americans, but you know what else has created jobs for Americans? The war in Iraq. Soldiers, defense companies, Haliburton, etc. But would the US government ever run a commercial saying, "The war in Iraq: bringing jobs to American since 2003"? No, because that is dumb and pointless. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the cable industry shares some parallel with the war in Iraq, but the mere act of finding a platform to say "we created jobs" to engender some form of approval for an industry that is incredibly poorly run and is notorious for bad service sounds like something a bunch of communists would do.

Seriously, think about this. There was essentially a discussion saying, "People don't like us because we have a poorly run organization that employs imcompetent boobs who can never be on time. We need to change people's minds. We need to redouble our efforts, set up stricter and more client friendly policies, totally rethink our business model and our policies to be much more customer friendly, and we should focus on generating better service and products. Or, we could run a television add saying, 'We suck, but at least we create jobs'." This is like Lunchlady Doris saying, "My staff keeps complaining about all the roaches. I want to hire a new staff." And the best part? My new building isn't wired for RCN or any other competitor. I hate the damn cable companies. If I didn't need high-speed internet, I wouldn't touch them with a 20 foot pole.

10) Oh, and congrats to my aunt, who nearly submarined the deal to sell my grandfathers house and will almost certainly knock a few hundred thousand dollars off the price tag. She is a freaking idiot. Basically, my aunt was given the right of first refusal on the house, and just had to buy out the other two siblings if she wanted the house. Because she is incapable of dealing with logistics of any kind or forethought, and feared figuring out anything to do with financing, renting the place out while they were away, taking care of it from across the country, etc etc etc, she passed. So, what does she do on Wednesday? She starts telling the buyer, five days before the house comes out of escrow, why she didn't buy the house. And of course, the reasons are justifications that aren't even true. The fireplace doesn't work. Since when? You can't run the dishwasher and take a shower at the same time. What? Where did you get that from?

So, basically, my mom was accused of trying to decieve the buyer and selling a house that was not properly advertised. She had to fly in a damn plumber from the buyer's town to check the water flow, get written and notarized statements from the people who have rented the house that none of these things actually were problems when they rented, and so on. And you just know that the buyers are going to do everything in their power to renegotiate the price downward. Personally, I say that every cent that gets knocked off the price should come out of her end, because she is killing my mother. What the hell is wrong with that fucking woman? Christ!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

That'll clear the old sinuses

1) For those keeping score at home, we have officially crossed off the "Diminutive Pollack" as our future apartment-mate in the new place. It was a tough decision to make, but we decided that we cannot live with him. While he is our friend, we realized that the one thing the Resident Female and I cannot stand in our roommates is them telling us they don't want to move in with us. I know it's somewhat uncaring, but we just don't want to live with anyone who would say something like that.

2) In lieu of the Diminutive Pollack, we have instead drafted one-time neighbor into the fold and will be stealing her away from the beloved Cleveland Park as we move out of the District.

3) I got electrocuted yesterday. Seriously. I was coming up an escalator at Metro Center yesterday and had my hand on the moving railing. And somehow, I got shocked, and shocked bad. I felt the electricity all the way up my arm and through my shoulder, and my fingers weren't able to move for a second or two. I'm fine now, but seriously, that was pretty damn random and pretty damn scary. It also made me decide to cross off "electrocution" as an entry on the list of ways that I might not mind dying. So I have that going for me. Which is nice.

4) I forgot the Sox are playing right now, so I am cutting this short.

5) It's Sunday, so I thought I would give difinitive proof that there is a God: Click this link

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Tee Hee

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Okay, that was fun

SO, I think my last post was a little off on the allegory ("let my Melky go" would have been more appropriate). Horrendous umpire and a lacking curveball that meant nothing but fastballs chased Beckett in the 2nd. From that bullshit K on Loretta to the wacky little league play in the first, it wasn't the Sox night from the beginning. Tonight, we have our AA thrower going against the Tawainese Penile Euphamism. Go Sea Dogs!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Get some Anti-Yankee Mojo working

I think it is safe to say the Yankees would qualify as the Pharoah and the Sox, recently returned from their 86 years wondering in the desert, are going to go NRA on the boys in the slimming stripes. (note: Youkilis, as the main Jew in the lineup, will be our Moses tonight and lead us to victory). 10 Commandments, 10 runs for the good guys. The evil Yankee army will drown in the Red(Sox) Sea. Go Soxenbergsteinfeldmans!

Sunday, June 04, 2006


I figured out how Mass Court pulled an approval rating as high as 38% (note: not actually that high): the leasing office posts phony reviews! Seriously, check out this website and read some of the reviews. Most of the "yes" reviews (that is, "would you recommend this apartment to others") are totally written by the leasing office. They are hilarious. Also, this site is fantastic for checking out other aparments. Enjoy. Oh, I also posted the one entitled "atrocious".

Saturday, June 03, 2006

New Apartment! Better Apartment!

The Resident Female and I are ready to relocate! We found a bigger place, with more ammenities, and by adding the Diminutive Pollack to our side bedroom we will be paying less! Fantastic! Outdoor pool! Indoor pool! Game Room! Workout room! Indoor driving range (whatever the hell that means)! I mean, this place is great, and it has free parking, and somehow it is even closer to a metro and a movie theater than my current place. Holy crap. I can't believe I didn't move to Virginia sooner. So, to celebrate, I'm getting drunk.

Oh, and about the possibility of it being run by a bunch of drunken monkeys like our current place? Well, online Mass Court has an approval rating of 38%. The place we are moving? 94%!

Don't make me he-bitch man-slap ya'!

1) So I think I may be developing a non-sexual man-crush on Youkilis. After my full-on man crush was absolutely robbed of a two-out, two-run homer the inning before, Youk comes back and crushes one the next inning to get the win. I hope he likes sagging man-breasts...

2) Don't look now, but Rudy Seanez seems to be becoming useful. 11 appearances without an earned run, 10 of 11 without any runs. Also, he is leading the team in K/9 for anyone who has gotten more than 6 outs. Maybe he might have some value besides "we're getting crushed and don't care anymore". Couple that with the recent outings of Manny Del Carmen and Van Buren (who was pretty good in his first call-up, too), and things are looking pretty good in the bullpen. Especially if Timlin comes back rested and ready to go.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Thoughts on my lunch break

This was suppossed to go up at lunchtime, but something weird happened.

1) Clement couldn't do it (no surprise there). Beckett couldn't do it. Schill and Wake couldn't do it either. Yes, only Dave Pauley, the AA righty, was the first pitcher of the season to notch a victory against the Blue Jays in a game not started by Josh Towers. (Okay, so maybe he didn't get the victory, Van Buren did, but whatever, he started the game). However, at least the bats seemed to be pretty alive in this series, even though the Rios-Catalanatto-Johnson trifecta continued their baffling trend of absolutely destroying the Sox despite not being great against any other team. Man, am I glad the Sox got out of Toronto.

2) So, the Brother McGuffin's bachelor party. What a weekend. It had everything: balls of paint dinging off penises, belts hitting an ass so hard it turned purple, X-Men 3, about a carton of ciggarettes, steak and mashed potatoes, taco bell, and, uh, other stuff that I can't think of right now. I will say this: I am glad I will never have to do one of these again, since I only have the one brother and no close friends who might name me best man (hmmm, maybe I need to work on my social skills...). I was shocked that I pulled it off. I mean, I ask you, what do you do with a group of people that scattered all around the country, some in AA, some who need to be in AA, some who are asking questions that are not entirely cool, some who are broke, and most who don't check their email or return calls? Oh, and you are 500 miles away while trying to plan the thing? Well, that party pretty much plans itself, doesn't it? So like I said, I'm glad it's over, and I'm glad it was fun. Of course, I'm broke now. Again.

3) For those that are keeping score, I wrote the second chapter to my masterpiece last night. Things are really starting to come together on it, with most of the outline finished. Only a few more months, and all your troubles will be over. Hooray.

4) Last year, I chronicled the amazing event that was my moving experience, and said I was never going to move again. Well, unfortunately, "never again" apparently meant "next June", because the building is jacking up my rent by 25% and the facilities are run by people with the skill of a pack of drunken monkey that spent their youth huffing paint. I mean, the damn place, for as nice as it looks, runs about as smoothly as a single-engine Cessna in a hurricane. And the people in the leasing office are so close to primate intelligence that I am shocked whenever I walk into the office and don't have feces flung at me. I mean, they are so dumb that their parents must not have had opposable thumbs. I've had political conversations with members of the Christian Right that were less infuriating than trying to get a simple problem fixed with these people. And honestly, I know the only reason my rent is going up so much is because these jackasses use up so much time and energy on failure that they have to hire more retarded monkeys to help them to get all the nothing accomplished, which raises our rates. They want us to pay 10% more than any other building in our neighborhood to cover their stupidity tax, and it sucks. Honestly, I think there might actually be a philosophy with the building to have high turnover with the tenants so that they can more money and charge higher rates on the new tenants. The building looks so nice that it pretty much sells itself, so the tenants keep coming in, but the little things about the building are so mind-bogglingly bad that everybody jumps ship as soon as the lease is up. And if you have any problems and try to get them fixed, you are just met by blank stares and confused responses that hinder getting anything fixed. It must be an act to get people to leave, it really mus be. I just don't think it is possible to get somebody as dumb and incompetant as these people and still have them be ambulatory. At least not organically. So, to all those thinking about moving to DC: avoid Mass Court. They suck.

5) Why not...

6) For those who like football, the essential guide for the 2006 season is now up on the right.