Saturday, March 25, 2006

What time is it?

Exam time!

I will spend my Saturday proving that not only do I dominate microeconomics, but I First Order Stochastically Dominate it! Of course, to do that, I need to show that my mean grade (that is, my grade) is higher than the mean of the class, I guess.

That last paragraph pretty much points to how much I have lost it while studying for this fucker. And I get to start over for an econometrics midterm, which is Monday night. Bong.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

...I never want to get onto Trey & Matt's bad side. Isaac Hayes? You just got F'd in the A!


Also, I think this falls under the category of if a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around, would anyone notice?
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Final word on this

Okay, final word on this, as my last article seemed a little too emotionless and analytical. It really does pain me to see a guy go, especially when you compare sentiments like this to the stream of crap that has spewed out of Damon's mouth for the last several months. Bronson sounds like that guy that was just dumped by his girlfriend whom he worshipped like the blonde chick in Better Off Dead; he isn't angry, he's just depressed and in shock. And, quite frankly, that's why I loved the guy and I'm sad to see him go. However, I get to take solace in the fact that his signing a hometown discount made this team better, even if it was without him; Bronson can only take solace in that he won't have to face the lineups in the AL east and that Cinnci has great rib places. Man, that interview is rough. Poor guy.

Responding to Arroyo comments

Oh, I appreciate that the man was loyal, and it is sad to see him go. The problem, of course, was that he was loyal to a team that didn't necessarilly have a role for him. Look, as much as I like the guy and I was one of his biggest supporters, he is an average pitcher with no defined role on the Sox, and he could have seen that when he signed.

He was one of 7 starters this year, probably 6th on the depth chart as currently it stands, with Paps likely to overtake him at some point during the year. The bullpen is also a pretty crowded place. When counting Arroyo, the Sox essentially had 13 or 14 pitchers that could make the major league roster on a lot of teams (depending on whether you count Vermilyea, a rule 5 draftee, and Van Buren). Additionally, though some of the starting pitchers are old and probably won't be back next year, the farm system has a bunch of young pitchers on the way up both for the rotation and the bullpen, with Papelbon likely taking a starters role next year, with Lester a possibility, and maybe even AAAs most consistent starter last year: Lenny Dinardo (who has the advantage of being left-handed).

That said, Arroyo could have been a very capable swingman. However, he signed a (discounted) starters salary on a team that may not have a role for a starter anytime soon, and has a couple cheaper swingman options inhouse (Dinardo, Alvarez, Paps & Lester this year). Whether or not he is better than those guys, and he probably is even though if he can be inconsistent and can't get out lefties, he is more expensive than them and the Sox needed a power bat to pinch-hit and platoon with Trot. Further, the Sox are better having Pena getting 300-400 ABs than with Arroyo as one of two swingmen in the bullpen. Going forward, the Sox may have an inhouse option for right field, and in the form of a righty power bat no less (which can be spectacular), and several capable and/or cheap swingman and starter options. As much as I liked Arroyo, if his role in his 30s (which he will be before opening day 2007) was a continued bullpen guy who was a liability against lefties, I'd rather have Pena.

I guess the point is this: I don't think Arroyo was smart taking the hometown discount, as he isn't really good enough to make the decision which team he ultimately plays for because he isn't talented enough to always be a starter, but at the same time probably should be paid more than a reliever. Sure, it was great of him, but if he wanted to play in Boston and not get traded he really needed a no-trade clause. A hometown discount will only work with star players, because their production is not easily replaceable. If you could get Johan Santana to sign a 3-year, $12-million deal (or even twice that), there is no way in hell you would trade him. But, as much as I love the guy, Arroyo isn't Santana. Arroyo signed a contract that meant he either was a cheap starter (of which the sox had an over-abundance), an expensive bullpen arm (of which the sox had an over-abundance), or an affordable piece of trade bait for a team that needs a starter and could probably bring talent back into the sox (which he did, in the form of a young bat). Of course, if he had signed for the league minimum, he probably would still be a Red Sox (although I don't think he should have done that).

So, the lesson here is that a guy shouldn't take a hometown discount unless he is talented enough to ensure he is the best the team can afford, isn't one of numerous options, or he is cheap enough to fulfill another role. And he should still get a no-trade clause.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Okay, that works

Okay, so that looks kind of strange. It is sad to see the man go, especially after he showed loyalty to Boston by taking a discount on a three year contract, which in and of itself made
him significantly more desireable in the trade market. Oddly, Bronson's decision to do Boston a favor and not bilk them for every last dollar ended up making the team far better by leading to his absence. In Arroyo, the Sox had an entertaining yet average 29 year old pitcher without a real place on the team, and with no real defined roll going forward with the talent coming up through the system, and a total inability to get out lefties. Now, in his stead, the Sox have a mashing righty backup outfielder, age 24, that can play all three outfield positions and likely will be the starting RF next year after Trot's contract is up. The Sox now have another mid-20s player on the cheap that is solid now and has a huge upside. As this team transitions to the next generation, I get more and more excited. In my opinion, this is a fabulous trade.

Yet it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to one of my favorite players. I remember seeing Bronson in Pawtucket. I remember watching his ridiculously high leg kick, that sweeping, frisbie-like slider coming from one of the strangest arm angles I can remember. I also remember that not two weeks after I saw him play in the minors, he threw a perfect game at Pawtucket, and was soon called up to the big show in the summer of 2003. As Grady Little bumbled through the season, riding BH Kim and pinch-running Damien Jackson for Todd Walker in the 5th inning of games, I remember Arroyo taking making huge outs down the stretch and into the playoffs. I also remember the beginning of 2004, when every outing held the possibility of a gem when his heavy-curving breaking ball was there for strikes. I also remember him plunking Slappy McBluelips, igniting his brawl with Varitek ("we don't throw at .260 hitters"), and ultimately leading to the most embarrasing ground ball in Yankee history during the eigth inning of game 6 of the ALCS. So, Bronson, thanks for the memories, thanks for the CD, and I only wish you the best in Cinncinatti.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Skippy returns!

Man, considering I was off all week, you would think I would have had time to do a simple post. However, I decided that the need to study my cute little ass off took precident. But it is the weekend now, and after watching a bunch of obnoxious Italians using St. Patrick's day as an excuse to get drunk and vomit on the sidewalk, I felt it was time to rip into someone. So, we are proud to present another installment of "Skip Bayless says" from this article

Skip Bayless Says: This move was destined from the moment Jerry Jones, from on high in his owner's box, viewed the most disgraceful act in Texas Stadium history.
Skip Bayless Means: A democrat walk through the turnstiles

SB says: There, on the sacred Cowboys star, this No. 81 -- Jones wasn't even sure of his name -- spread his arms wide in a pose that made two statements.
SB means: 1) Here I am 2) Be glad the only thing I spread was my arms

SB says: No. 1: You ain't nothin' no more, Cowboys. Now we own you and your house.
SB means: Even my symbolic messages don't use proper grammer.

SB says: And No. 2: Forget Jerry Rice. I have arrived, world.
SB means: Actually, I guess it was more 'I have arrived, America'. Wait, wait, maybe we should just put it as, 'I have arrived, you people who follow the NFL, specifically those fans in Dallas and San Fransisco, as I doubt anybody who follows the Jaxsonville Jaguars actually cares what is going on in the NFC at this point.'

SB says: This was September 2000
SB means: See, I can fact check. Thank you, google!

SB says: and three Cowboys greats who were battered shadows of themselves watched from the home-team sideline.
SB means: I still can't believe they had the courage to leave the battered shadows shelter.

SB says: This punk kid obviously had no respect for Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin or Emmitt Smith and their three Super Bowl trophies.
SB means: scoff obviously scoff

SB says: But as Terrell Owens reveled in the vicious boos, Jones couldn't help ...
... appreciating this guy's audacity.
SB means: I was dying as I wrote this, and I wanted my last line to be dramatic and delivered like an over-the-top actor would say it.

SB says: Deep down, Jerry Jones knew he would have been capable of pulling the same stunt, if he had been blessed with this kid's talent.
SB means: But, alas, a terrible face lift can not create football talent.

SB says: Heck, Jones would trade a Super Bowl trophy to be Owens for just one season.
SB means: Yeah, most likely one of the ones they won before he owned the team.

SB says: Oh, how Jones wishes he could have been more than an undersized overachiever of an offensive guard on Arkansas' 1964 national championship team.
SB means: He wishes he could have been an oversized underachieving porn actor in the late 80s.

SB says: Jones watched Owens return to celebrate on The Star a second time and thought, "You know, I wouldn't mind having No. 81 on my team."
SB means: Of course, he then realized that he had a No. 81 on his team, Raghib 'Rocket' Ismail

SB says: And now, many signs point to Terrell Owens' calling Texas Stadium home.
SB means: Of course, even more signs point to "Exit", "right turn only", and "stop"

SB says: Of course, signing Owens ultimately would be a great mistake.
SB means: not just a good mistake, but a great one

SB says: This deeply flawed team wrecker would take great pride in proving that the great Bill Parcells wouldn't be able to crack the whip on him any more than tough guy Andy Reid could in Philadelphia.
SB means: well, when you think about it, Reid was pretty insensitive threatening Owens with a whip. A bit racist in my opinion. Wait, what's a metaphor again?

SB says: And if you think Owens caused trouble for quarterbacks Jeff Garcia in San Francisco and Donovan McNabb in Philly, wait till he gets through with whiny, thin-skinned Drew Bledsoe.
SB means: Thin-skinned, get it? It's a pun! Because, the name... I mean, think about it. If he has thin skin, it is easier for him to have "drew blood". Get it? Get it? Come on!

SB says: It wouldn't be long before Owens wondered out loud why his rag-armed, no-backbone quarterback couldn't get him the ball.
SB means: QBs are much more effective if their spinal column is intact.

SB says: For Owens, it's always the quarterback's or the coach's fault, in no particular order. Never, ever his.
SB means: As for me, I agree with that assessment, cause the man is just so dreamy!

SB says: He's T.O., as in Team Obliterator.
SB means: See, since his initials are T and O, we can make them stand for other things. Like Time Out. Or Testicular Ovaries; you know, those things you have with klinefelter's syndrome.

SB says: But Jones won't care that Owens has left two playoff teams in ruins.
SB means: He'll only care when he leaves his playoff team in ruins

SB says: No, for Jones, life isn't worth living unless he's taking risks with rare and unpredictable people.
SB means: "I was gonna wear a condom, but then I thought, hey, when's the next time I'll be in Haiti"

SB says: That's why he hired Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer and Bill Parcells.
SB means: Fuck commas!

SB says: That's why he acquired Charles Haley and Deion Sanders and stuck by Irvin.
SB means: I'm sure there is a gay joke somwhere near the end of this sentence...

SB says: And that's why he, Jerral Wayne Jones from Little Rock, Ark., often has taken on the National Football League when it came to marketing its most loved and hated franchise.
SB means: His first name is Jerral! Jerral! What, is he Superman's father? What a loser!

SB says: Jones has an incurable jones for associating with controversial stars.
SB means: Whereas I have an incurable bayless for writing terrible articles.

SB says: If Jones is going to lose, by gawd, he's going to lose spectacularly.
SB means: It meens what it meens, gawsh durnnitt!

SB says: To Jones, pro football is -- in the end
SB means: Hee hee, he takes it in the butt!

SB says: Jones, pro football is -- in the end -- the entertainment business
SB means: Oh, wait, that is even funnier of an anal sex joke!

SB says: To Jones, pro football is -- in the end -- the entertainment business and, if nothing else, his team is going to be damned entertaining.
SB means: Wait, wait, wait, now imagine all 53 Cowboys taking it "in the end". Wow, what an image. I am a comedic genius.

SB says: Beneath his J.R. Ewing exterior lies some chicken-fried Barnum and some guacamole-topped Bailey.
SB means: Okay, now we're getting a little too kinky, even for me.

SB says: He bought the Dallas Cowboys in 1989 because he was bored with striking oil well after oil well and making too much money to count.
SB means: Of course, had he known he could hire accountants to do that for him, maybe he would have been happy making money.

SB says: He wants Terrell Eldorado Owens in metallic blue and silver.
SB means: Why I compulsively need to throw out people's emabarassing full names, I don't know, but I guess it is to make me not feel so bad that my first name is a verb, and a gay one at that.

SB says: He wants half his fans to say they'll never again cheer for the Cowboys.
SB means: Ah, the new form of marketing: stop people from buying my product.

SB says: He wants to be able to get up early every morning and say, "Watch this, world."
SB means: Morning wood alert!

SB says: No. 81 now has a reputation to live up to: He must rip his owner or coach or quarterback or his "jealous" teammates because that's what his public expects of him.
SB means: Wait, are we still talking about Owens, or are we back to Ismail? Maybe I should call them by their names instead of their numbers.

SB says: Owens is as addicted to attention as Jones.
SB means: But he isn't as addicted to face-lifts and painkillers. Yet.

SB says: No, Owens needs to feel disrespected for no apparent reason and create phantom feuds.
SB means: Phantom fueds? Was that the one that Pat Sajak hosted?

SB says: Parcells ultimately will decide he can do what Reid and Steve Mariucci failed to.
SB means: He will decide that he can devour that eigth rack of ribs. What, you think it was a coincidence that fatty decided to sign in Dallas? The man loves his beef!

SB says: But if Parcells thinks, "I won two Super Bowls with Lawrence Taylor, so I can win with this guy," he'll be very wrong.
SB means: Right, everyone knows it was Billicheck that won with those guys, Parcells was just along for the ride.

SB says: Taylor's drug problems didn't turn him into a disruptive teammate.
SB means: They turned him into an hiliarious cameo for the Waterboy.

SB says: He didn't bad-mouth quarterback Phil Simms or say, "My name isn't Lawrence Parcells. I'm not his son, and I don't have to do what he says." That's what Owens said about Reid.
SB means: Why on earth he badmouthed a CBS commentator and thought his name should be Lawrence Parcells, and why that would hurt Reid, gawd only knows.

SB says: But when Jones thinks of Owens, he'll think of Haley and Sanders -- and he'll think wrong.
SB means: Actually, I think it's supposed to be "think wrongly". I'm not really sure, because sometimes I write bad.

SB says: Haley became unmanageable in San Francisco because he thought he was terribly underpaid.
SB means: although if he thought he was being adeptly underpaid, it probably would have been smooth sailing.

SB says: After Deion helped the 49ers win a Super Bowl, Jones gave him what, in 1995, was an absurdly huge bonus, $12.999 million.
SB means: Why was it absurdly huge? Remember, this guy wanted to be an oversized, underachieving porn star.

SB says: No, if you're going to sign him, you had better pay him.
SB means: Because if you don't pay him, he is technically a slave, and we all saw how pissed he got at Andy Reid when he tried to whip him.

SB says: He'll need to give him at least that much after the Washington Redskins gave Antwaan Randle El an $11.6 million bonus to be a No. 3 receiver. But with the rival Redskins loading up at receiver -- with Randle El and Brandon Lloyd -- Jones has to retaliate.
SB means: Did you notice that in one sentence I said the Redskins signed a #3 receiver, then in the very next sentence suggested that that same receiver (and Brandon Lloyd?) is going to be a difference maker as a justification to hand out big money to Owens? Am I really that stupid? I guess I am. I'm as shocked as you.

SB says: Jerry Jones and Terrell Owens, together at Texas Stadium. It will be great, for a while.
SB means: Yeah, this is my powerful last line. This is my big finish. This piece of crap truly is the best I could come up with as my "leaving you with my powerful point and message to take from reading this whole thing." Boy, do I suck. I just pray to Gawd that no weblog gets it's hands on this article and makes fun of me...

Monday, March 13, 2006

Why Bad?

How are you today, children?
Why Bad?
Because Chef is leaving us.
Why am I leaving you?
Because L Ron Hubbard is worse than any succubus.

Read the article, it is quite humorous, though sad when you think about South Park going forward.

"Sometimes you fall in love and you think it feels that way forever./You change your life and didn't know your friends cause you think it can't get any better./But then love goes away; no matter what, it doesn't stay as strong./And then you're left with nothing, cause you're tinking with your dong."

Saturday, March 11, 2006


Okay, so maybe I'm drunk at 7 on a Saturday, but I have two things to rebut and explain my inebriated state:

1) The Resident Female got into law school

2) The Friendly Redistricted ColOmbian sent me a fantastically funny text message that shot margerhita out of my nose

3) The Lease started drinking at noon, so if she can be drunk while the sun is still up, I'm allowed to be durnk at 7 at night on a friday. Or Saturday, whatever day it is. Man, Saturday classes really suck.

4) I'm now officially on spring break.

Okay, that wasn't two things, but whatever. I have a shitload of porter and the Resident and I are going out for car bombs. Booyakasha, chenqui, yekshamesh, Ali G kicks ass

PS- I only had one student show up to my pre-spring break/day after exam/8:00 am class, and she was 20 minutes late. And my Macro exam fucked me. All the more reason to drink a few pints.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

This is a... good?... thing?

How good is Wakefield's knuckler right now?
Apparently, it was so good that it made his catcher retire.


Also, as I slave away studying for a macro exam, my buddy A. Sean Feddish is doing this:

Promptly followed by doing her:

While these guys watched:

Leaving this in his wake:

Monday, March 06, 2006

Daddy's little girl aint a girl no more...

Wouldn't you believe it
It's just my luck.
No recess!

Not sure why was quoting Nirvana, but just for the heck of it:


Weird Dreams...

1) Maybe it's because I've been studying too much macro, or maybe the Resident Female put some LSD in the Risotto last night (which was fabulous, by the way), but man, did I have some weird dreams last night.

Probably the stangest was the one where I was frustrated and agitated about not being able to go to sleep, so I was trying to find something to do in the apartment, trying to make sure the doors didn't creek when I shut them so as not to wake the Resident Female, trying to find something to read on the internet, etc. Of course, I then woke up from a dream about not being able to sleep, and I was laying there in bed feeling incredibly frustrated I couldn't fall asleep, having just woken up.

Now, I don't know if this has ever happened to any of you, but this was a first for me. I have never woken up in the middle of the night being frustrated that I can't get to sleep.

I have a feeling this week is going to suck.

2) As I was writing this, the Resident Female asked me whether or not she looked good in something. Now, I hate when she does this for two reasons.

First, I have absolutely no fashion sense, as evidenced by the fact that she then promptly straightened my collar in the back, as it was all folded and whatnot. Why on earth she continues to ask someone who has no problem walking outside dressed the way I do for fashion advice is beyond me. Remember, I'm the guy who tore his khakis before a night of drinking, so rather than change, I decided to wrap duct tape around my leg. Now, I'm not talking about a patch job, I mean I wrapped. I made at least three or four, maybe even five, circles around my thigh with the roll, then went out and got trashed (and somehow even convinced a girl to come home with me, then abandoned her halfway home because I thought "if she is willing to hook up with a guy with duct tape on his pants, there is no way this is a girl I want to be around, much less touch").

Second, whenever a question like this is posed to me, it triggers my "fight-or-flight" response. So now I feel like I've had a gallon of coffee, I am sweating like an Italian, and I accidentily wet myself, necessitating me to put on my duct-tape underwear. I've pretty much just used up all my adrenaline for the rest of the day, and I will likely be forced to crash around mid-day, which is a problem as today I have to teach for two hours, learn for four, and study for six. So, this early morning scare could throw my whole day out of whack.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Economics jokes...

After seeing two of the hottest prospects (and possible keys to the season) have scares/get dinged up, I think it is time for a little humor. Of course, I'm an economist, so I need to do some economists jokes:

Economists do it using the invisible hand

What was Keynes' favorite type of liquor? Animal Spirits

Economists are great lovers because they can supply it on demand

If you study economics, when you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there

Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue

When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility. This also works for mescaline, Doritos, and prostitutes.

Economists do it discretely AND continuously

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would? It depends how long until the job is outsourced to China.

Two economists meet on the street. One inquires, "How's your wife?" The other responds, "Relative to what?"

I asked an econometrician for her phone number....and she gave me an estimate

How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb? Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.

Economists have forecasted 9 out of the last 5 recessions

A true story:A game theorist was talking to a group of psychologists at a conference. The conversation turned to children. He said that he does not intend his children to get any money from him now that they are grown. "In fact, if I have so much as a penny to my name on the day I die, it will only be because I miscalculated my utility."

An economics journal article should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to be provocative; long enough to have something substantial underneath

Economists do it with models