Monday, October 16, 2006

In related news: Econ Phd student arrested for indecent exposure, claimed he was just "maximizing his utility"

1) So a month's worth of studying like a fiend paid off. The news came down the pipe today, I passed both my comprehensive exams, and (assuming I pass the classes I am currently taking) I am now the proud owner of a shiny new Master of Arts degree in Economics. Up next, my Econometrics Field Exam this January, a Public Finance Field in May, then that MA will be joined by an M.Phil. Then I am just one Nobel Prize-winning dissertation away from officially being Doctor McGuffin. So, what did you all do today?

2) I actually watched the entire game 3 and game 4 of the Yankees-Tigers series, and I had a really hilarious and insightful (and possibly inciteful) post written and ready to go up. Unfortunately, as the last out was made and the Tigers began celebrating that they officially de-pantsed the Yankees, I accidently ejaculated all over the keyboard and shorted out the computer. Needless to say, there was no shortage of Schadenfraude (literally: shameful joy) kicking around this apartment. To all my Yankee fan "friends", I will say this much: You were almost right that they were the best team ever. They just barely missed that ever-elusive 1/5th of a billion dollar World Series by the slightest of margins: ten wins. So, yes, Cro-Magnon, you were right that the WS was already in the bag.

3) You know, it's funny, I always assumed it would be a shitload of work and effort to put on a wedding. Yet, somehow, this thing seems to be planning itself. And it's really cheap, too. I will now light myself on fire.

4) My semester has taken an odd, sisyphusian turn. The class I am TAing for has a quiz every Monday and a homework set every Wednesday, and two midterms. I also am contracuably obligded to give 15 hours per semester to another class (which has already been surpassed with no end in sight). In the past week, and not counting my own work mind you, I have spent 49 hours grading. Grading the same thing, 40 times in a row, reading and trying to figure out what the fuck this little bastards wrote instead of the correct answer to give them partial credit so that they don't bug the shit out of me in office hours. I will now take a sledge hammer to my little toes.

5) So the last stock I publicly suggested, PGH, has taken a pretty decent flogging in the market, though this is mostly because their recent expenditure of capital means they will probably have to reduce their massive dividend. But hey, 14% yield is still 14%. Oh, and PHLY still keeps cranking it's way up, so congrats Dorf. Still kicking myself for only pushing in half of what I normally do into my stock investments when I bought it at 70 (or $23 pre-split). I will now deposit my nutsack into a wheat thresher.

6) Here is a quote from this article:

"I walked in on an episode of South Park one night last week. Perhaps the show's creators have gone slightly over the line. There was a graphic scene with a cartoon George Bush shooting some guy in the head. Now there's some quality American television. We ask why our kids have become desensitized to things like gun violence. Gee, I wonder why."

Here is the thing. Coffee BS, Brett Favre man-crush, retarded softball updates, and massive ass aside, I find Peter King amusing if not nearly as insightful as he should be. However, this high-horse crap needs to stop, as does his "I find this special, so I'm going to do a lifeless retelling of it, put a judgemental sentence on the end, and tell you that you should feel special as a result." I've had it. The guy has lost it, especially when he starts with this heavy-handed judgemental shit. As such, let's review his argument:
1) He saw a part of the show
2) He didn't like it
3) He condemns a poorly animated cartoon on a cable channel that is only aired after 10 pm at night for sending a bad message to children and infers that it is the reason that kids are desensitized to gun violence.
4) He added a smarmy, sarcastic, self-righteous comment that wasn't even attempting to be clever.
While there were no links to his citation of studies proving that kids are, in fat... excuse me, in fact... desensitized to things like gun violence. Additionally, I think it mildly retarded that he thinks that South Park is the epitome of the end of American culture, whereas in point of fact it they are probably one of the few shows that actually are able to make real insightful and intelligent satire into the mainstream and have you average neighborhood cretin lap it up and think. Of course, his version of intelligent discourse is writing some bullshit about something that moved him and end the dry retelling with, "I just think that's special." Though he is right that South Park seems to be the only place on television that you can see realistic violence and gory violence (might I add that he mentioned CSI on the same page?).

As such, in the rare event that Mr. King stumbles across this humble weblog, I will say this: Mr. King, please remember that you became a nationally syndicated writer by adding a significant and intelligent voice to football analysis, and you did not get to this place by saying how nice it is to watch multiple games on television at once, how you are a Red Sox fan who likes Jeter, or passing caffiene-fueled heavyhanded moral judgements on 5 minutes of television. In fact, I'll make a deal with you: you go back to football analysis, I'll go back to making incoherant rants about random and relatively irrelevant topics which nobody will actually read. For our respective efforts, we will both be paid accordingly. Sound fair?

Friday, October 06, 2006

Thanks, OPEC!

Come on, Alternative Engergy! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the way we win the war on terror is by cutting off any and all money going to the middle east. Eliminate the need for oil, and you entirely undercut their economic base. If they have no economy, they have no resources to devote towards terrorism, no support for royal families that blame the US and the West for all their masses' problems, and then the countries can either have no wealth or be forced to make a society that creates items of value in order to survive in the global marketplace.

The only problem with the above theory is that it can't just be the US not purchasing their oil. If the US just stops, the rest of the world will just pick up the demand for it. The only solution is to make it more economically viable to use other sources of energy. So, like I said, "Come on, Alternative Energy!"

Side note: although most of the good oil from the Middle East is already gone. What is left in the ground there is too crude and not energetic enough for a lot of the purposes of the West, especially with the environmental standards the US has. So, I guess we really could just get China and India addicted to high-quality oil, as well, and that would serve our purpose equally.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Meaningless sex is fun for twenty or thirty years, but after that, it starts to get old.

1) Fate has a way of intervening in the relationship between the Resident Female and myself that is not always pleasant. For a perfect example of this, examine Sunday. After a perfectly lovely Saturday spent together (see post 6), on Sunday our relationship was thrown headlong into turmoil. "Why did this happen?" you might ask? Well, The Resident Female and I both are faithful followers of our respective regional football teams: She loves the Queen's City Kitties, and I the New United Kindgom Minutemen. Unfortunately for us, these two noble squads clashed on Sunday in her hometown. Unfortunately for her, my boys absolutely throttled her Bengals. Unfortunately for me, I am incapable of keeping my mouth shut. Apparently, I also am incapable of resisting the urge to taunt her, inform her that there is still space on the Patriots' bandwagon, repeatedly try to put my Patriots hat on her head in the middle of the game, or laughing maniacly and pointing her out to other Pats fans so that they might join in. Needless to say, I need to buy a nicer couch because my back just can't take this.

2) That said, it was a pleasant experience to see the boys in red, white, and blue lay a wallop on a good team. And man alive, is that Laurence Maroney something! That boy stiff-armed the living crap out of two defenders in a way I haven't ever seen a Pats' running back do. Man alive, this team may still have some life yet. Granted, I still think people wrote them off a bit prematurely because a) the Jets got two long touchdowns on a fluke play and a poor tackling job and b) because they never have looked good against Denver (and I mean never). The Pats are still one hell of a team, especially once Brady gets his rythm with Gabriel, Jackson, and Caldewell. Oh, and don't forget our 9 tight ends.

3) Ah, it is with a sad heart that the Red Sox season comes to a close. A year that seemed to me as a transition year at the start to a new, better, younger team seems to have somehow made the team's prospect moving forward look worse and still disappointed like you wouldn't believe. So the 3rd place Red Sox must retool and rework a large portion of their roster this winter. Well, much like every other season (including 2004), there is always a hint of sadness when the season closes on my favorite baseball team, as the warm, halcion days of pitch, hit, and catch give way to the chilly and stagnant daily standings of football. Alas, 2006 Red Sox, I thank you for a summer filled with the joy of baseball, three hours a night. Here's to Papi hitting 60 dingers next year.

4) On another sad note, the only baseball that seems left to watch are the games where the Juicy Boys try to slug their way to a World Series title that they rightfully purchased. I've noticed that many of my Yankees fan "friends" have finally hopped back on the bandwagon, their enmeshed "Y" and "N"s once again donning their heads for the first time since they blew the largest lead in playoff history. Well, I've decided that my only recourse is to wear my "Making History: Greatest Comeback in Playoff History" "2004 Red Sox" T-shirt every single day that HGHiambi and his raucous band of millionaires take the field. Any Yankee fan tries to gloat over me, well, they better have won another 11 games before they do so. That's all I'm saying.

5) Here is an article that suggest new anti-psychotic drugs are only slightly more effective (if at all) than newer and significantly more expenxive ones. So don't be surprised in the coming weeks if a lot of doctors that prescribed the drugs that are less effective but 10 times more expensive than the generics to show up brutally murdered.

6) And on a personal note, the throngs of those in thongs are a bit sadder today. Yes, it's true, Fletcher Austin McGuffin has now officially agreed to become Mr. Fletcher Austin McResident-Female. In a lovely evening this weekend, one that was so romantic it would make even the most over-the-top French Poet vomit from the near-diabetic sugaryness, Fletcher did propose to the Resident Female. And, much to his surprise, she agreed. For those that would like the details, well, it went down a little something like this:

I sent her a FedEx package, inside of which was the ring (the finest cubic zerkonia that Chinatown can produce) and a note that said "Will you marry me? Please check the appropriate box:
Well, with hardly any hesitation, and with a tear welling up in her eye, she turned to me and said, "I'm not marrying you until you get me a nicer ring." So, a quick trip to the Jeweler and another to the black market surgeon, we were officially engaged and the ring was paid off. And so I can honestly say I don't feel like I have lost a kidney, but rather gained a lovely woman whom would not give me the time of day if she were in her right mind. Wish us luck!

Monday, October 02, 2006


I want to give a more in depth post sometime in the next 24 hours, but just as a slight teaser I thought I would bring this article to everyone's attention because it implies that one of the main arguments repeatedly rehashed in this space may in fact be correct: Roger Clemens is a huge douche-bag who smokes pole and would sell out his own mother for a nickel. Enjoy!