Wednesday, September 07, 2005

This cursed O Grab Me!

1) So there seems to be an embargo on Gillette Mach 3 razor catridges in the cities of Baltimore and Washington, which needless to say is somewhat perplexing. I have been to 3 CVSes, a pair of Safeways, and a random convenience store, and they all were out of them. Okay, what the hell is going on? Did a shipment to the area get hijacked and not reported? Or is someone out there hoarding cartridge replacements thinking that some disaster is likely to befall DC, deciding that if he is going to be homebound he at least look clean shaven doing it? Either way, I'm using a freaking disposable piece of crap tomorrow, and I aint happy.

2) So I am officially ready for the football season now. I have sent in my division picks for my pick 'em pool, sent in my schedule for the survivor league, drafted my survivor teams with Sung-Ho Mpenze O'Shea, and read up on the predictions at Footballoutsiders.com. However, the one thing that was lacking I officially covered last night. I drove to Baltimore to visit the Friendly Re-districted ColOmbian, and we watched the three season recap videos for the Pats superbowl seasons. Man, that was fun. Much like the Belichickian philosophy, I am now ready to put the three previous superbowls behind me and focus on climbing the mountain once again. After a restful offseason, the liver is pristine once again, the throat is no longer sore from screaming, and the eyes are set for more Peyton Manning disgusted arm flailings. I love football!

3) Hey, Soscia: same shit, different day, huh?

4) I arrived home from Baltimore in time to see the last 2 innings of the Sox-Angels game, including Wakefield finish up his complete game and watch Papi destroy that Scott Shield's pitch in the bottom of the ninth, then switched over to the Yanks-Tuberculosis game in time to see Bernie "Don't call me Arthur the Aardvark" Williams line into a double play, Mariano "Fruit Bat" Rivera get pegged with a loss, and Derek "My father was a greaseball and my mother was a garden gnome" Jeter end the game by grounding into a double play. Tampa, the team with the lowest payroll in baseball, officially clinched the season series against the most expensive 89-win team in history. What a great night.

4) Hmm... This entry seems a little short...
Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders! Screw Flanders!

5) Housekeeping item: if you would like to insult me in the comments section, I do ask that in the future, perhapes a quick typo check would be nice, as would learning how to spell the word "Fellate". Also, for the record, my preferred type of feline fellatio is a leopard, though occasionally I will settle for a jaguar or even a puma.

6 Comments:

At 9:48 PM, September 06, 2005, Blogger Lindsey said...

ewww you've been spammed. so it really bothers me that your blog says you posted tomorrow when it should say today, but i think i can get over it. so in case you haven't noticed i like to keep a lot of men in my life and am usually unhappy with some or all of them. but all your sports talk makes me wish i new guys like that around here, i love to just have a beer and really get into a game. Hockey is my favorite (i miss it) but its still my fave.

 
At 7:37 AM, September 07, 2005, Blogger Fletcher Austin McGuffin said...

Yeah, it happens. As to the time of posting, I have hectic MWF mornings, so I sometimes will write the post the night before. I'm huge on hockey, too, so I'm more than ready for that.

 
At 9:08 AM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Dorf said...

Lisa: "We make a good team, dad!"
Homer: "A groin-grabbingly good team!"

 
At 11:24 AM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.

 
At 11:28 AM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
-----------------------------
Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food...
--------------------
Bart: b-6
Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: this game makes no sense.
Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!

 
At 12:58 PM, September 07, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three simple words: I am gay.

 

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