Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Lunatic is on the Grass

1) Vanity liscence plate of the week: Virginia "PHK YOU2". Now, call me crazy, but I feel like if a cop ever pulled you over, this would not make it any easier for you to talk your way out of a ticket. The same goes for the woman that passed me on the highway the other day, going at least 90 in a 55, with "CONFDNT". Personally, if I ever invested in a vanity plate, I would likely spend that money to get something other than mildly amusing cleverness out of it. For example, I would probably do something like, "I LV COPS" or "NO TCKT". Think, people, think!

2) So the MFY have added marK bellhorn to their roster, successfully recruiting the man who drove in and scored the last run of the 2004 humilation known as the ALCS, to go along with Alan Embree (the man who pitched the last out) and the Manchurian Pitcher (aka Ramiro Mendoza). While I am sad to see Mark Bellhorn, the man who drove in as many runs in the world series as Manny and Ortiz, forced to leave the team, I am pleased to see the MFY throw out the 2005 marK Bellhorn, he of the 103 Ks and the .216 average.

3) Kevin Millar's season recapped, in reference to power numbers: 1 month hitting slump. Sox sign Olerud to a minor league contract, Millar hits home runs in successive games (including a walk-off against the A's after he pretty much blew the game with his defense). Another month-long hitting slump. Olerud is ready to come up to the majors, Millar hits two home runs in one game. Two months of a power drought. Petagine and Olerud start taking serious playing time from Millar. Millar hits two home runs in the game last night and one earlier in the week. The moral of the story, besides that Millar is a terrible fielder: The Sox should sign a new firstbaseman every day and Millar would be the most consistent power threat in the league.

4) Although, on a side note, if Millar is able to heat up for the stretch run and/or the playoffs, I'll take it. When the guy is on, he makes this lineup deadly. I have given the man a lot of shit lately, partially because I defended him for so long and he kept letting me down, and also partially because he is a poor fielding slow-poke who runs the bases like a drunken walrus. However, I really am rooting for the guy to get his bat on straight, as a happy Millar who is hitting is potentially the best thing for this team. If he could get hot, and Foulke (activated today) makes something of a close return, then the division is not in question.

5) So after my first day of grad school, where I spent a good portion of the day sweating in the unbearable heat, there was something I had forgotten about being on college campus: the freshman. Specifically, looking at all these 17 and 18 year-olds walking around wide-eyed, with the cute little girls holding hands with the cute little boys. Ah, yes, those quick-moving freshman boys, tired of not getting laid in high-school, they want to get a head start on not getting laid in college. The odd thing I always find about this stuff is that, pretty much without fail, the guy holding the girl's hand is always shorter, uglier, and goofier than her. All I can ever think about when I see these things on the sidewalk (and I am always shocked at the number of them that there are) is, "Boy I'd like to have sex with Scarlett Johansenn". No, wait, I mean I look at them and the only thought I have is, "I give it three days, or their first kegger at a frat." Now, I'm not saying that come Saturday night, all those girls who hopped into cutesy relationships with the first goofy guy that talked them are going to have some meathead senior splitting them like a Thanksgiving turkey, but then again I'm not not saying that, either.

Wait, what?

6) Okay, maybe that last one was a bit overly vulgar.


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