Launching my career as a writer

1) Seeing as how I am starting my life in the academic world today, I've also become inspired to start a new proffession as well. Since I have no alternative source of income other than my fellowship, I've decided to get a book published and be a writer. So, without any further ado, I thought I would share with you all the beginning of my new novel. I'm sure I will have finished the epic by the end of the week and have it published by the end of September, at which time I will post an amazon link on the side of the weblog. So, just as a teaser, here are the first few paragraphs:

The day exploded around his senses as the sun filtered into through the window like shit through a pig. Yes, it was morning in the small town. The gentleman found himself getting out of bed if for no other reason than not to remain in it.

"Well," Maximillian Cuthbert Rosetta proclaimed to his shoes, "I think I have to poop." The toilet cringed in a way that only porcelain can. Today, like any other day, will be a day just like any other day: breakfast, milk, and soaps.

From above the house, looking at the roof, there was no trace of anything happening inside.

One would wonder why someone would go on leading a life so simple and empty, including our post-inebriated friend Maximillian. However, the young man did not wonder this now. Pleased with himself, he proved that his earlier statement to his footwear was true. The toilet cringed in a way that only porcelain can. The day is ready to begin; now all that is needed is the remote, the oat bran, and a bottle of tequila. 11 AM, a nice early start. People throughout the town continue to mingle outside in the streets. SUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!

2) So... What do you all think?

3) If they could turn shit into ink, they would use it to print Jane Austen novels