Thursday, June 30, 2005

July 4th, Prom Dates, and The Jerk (Edited)

1) So I am going back to Big Watts for the long weekend, and I just found out that I already have plans for every night I am going to be home. Unfortunately, McGuffin the Elder is becoming a bit of a shut-in, always seeming to come up with ways to avoid invitations to cocktail parties, dinners, and Red Sox games that were a gift from his son. As such, Mother McGuffin (alliteration!) is constantly attending these functions by herself, and is always desperate for company on the ride there. With my impending arrival, she has made plans for me to attend several functions, one for each night of my sojourn home (can we get a Resident Female confirmation on proper usage?). In essence, I am her de facto date all weekend. Besides the potentially creepy interpretation of this, I mostly am worried that she will choose to drink wine (two glasses will usually push her over the edge) and we will have a repeat of New Years Eve 1992 when she got so drunk that she weepingly apologized because I was "an accident" on the ride home. The 0nly time in my life I was more embarrassed was when I took a homeless woman as my date for the senior prom and she ran off with the punchbowl filled with potato chips. Needless to say, this weekend should be interesting.

2) Watched "The Jerk" last night for the first time in a while. Pure genius. Seriously, I want one of those wine bubblers for my tennis court. Although it also made me realize why Mother McGuffin always used to tell me "Fletcher, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass". Unfortunately, she never included the word "even", so thinking that was the only way to be loved, whenever I heard that I always went out and purposely got a sunburn. Because of this, Shonda and I are buds.

3) Sox won again, with Wakefield continuing on his hot streak (3 runs given up in his last 4 starts, in something like 29 or 30 innings). I'm not sure if part of this resurgence is because of the return of Mirabelli (Belli!), since it started with his coming off the DL, or if it is something else, but regardless I am pleased. 13 of 16, and hopefully we can exact some revenge on the Blue Jays (oddly, if you count all the interleague games as one opponent, Toronto is the only team the Sox have a losing record against).

4) More working on the cold fusion problem I've been having. Hence, I've already been at work for an hour, and I am dying because they have yet to fill up the coffee pots and the hot water valve isn't working so I can't make tea. And I'm not going to the 4th floor for free coffee, so instead I will just drift in and out.

5) Melanoma is a serious disease, and I would like to apologize for the insensitivity I displayed in point 2) in making light of it. While it would probably be more considerate of me to just erase the insensitive and unfunny joke, I hate censorship and refuse to tolerate it, even if it is myself whom is doing the censoring.

6) The old apartment is officially closed, as last night I went and removed the final piece of furniture from it (a desk that I was trying to sell for, well, free; nobody wanted it). Again, many thanks to My Friendly Neighborhood ColOmbian, whom I drafted into slavery once more to help me get the orphan desk outside so that I might abandon it next to a dumpster.

Edited 10:19

7) Another caveat on the return to Big Watts. Apparently, and I had not heard this until I checked my email, one of my friends from grade school has moved into BW (or at least his family has) and he will be around. This is cool, as he was a good friend when I was 13, and it will be interesting to catch up. Also of note is that he is dating Ho-Bag's former best friend (they had a falling out right around the time Ho-Bag started breeding). I am curious to see how this plays out, as I have not seen him in about 8 years and her in about 4. I hope she has settled down, as her nickname used to be "Bad News [Name that begins with the letter "N"]". She was incredibly psychotic, once not eating for nearly two weeks because she was afraid of choking, and ended up passing out while driving because she had a deficiet of blood sugar. She at one point just seemed to screw up the lives of everyone she dated, leading me to request a city ordinance requiring a sign to be posted on her pants saying "Abandon hope all ye who enter".