Friday, August 19, 2005

Yeah, I didn't expect him to excercise his option with his position in the market

1) Coming back from Rhode Island, I was sporting a massive farmer's tan. Fortunately, that is no longer the case. Yesterday, I managed to augment my farmer's tan with a nice, t-shirt shaped burn. Fantastic.

2) So, after being called heartless and lectured that celebrities are real people when I commented that "if you're going to leave Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie is kind of trading up", I've come to a few conclusions about the differences between men and women when it comes to following the cult of celebrity. Besides the fact that just about every public confession and relationship of the celebrities is thought out and given some sort of spin, we find that the lifestyles they lead (that is, limited responsibility and large sums of money for essentially pretending to be other people) is promblematic in making well adjusted individuals, much less good relationships. So this perverse form of watching them takes on essentially two versions: what I deem the soap opera version (usually the female version) and the off-season version (male version). Basically, the level of emotional attachment and viewing paradigms are like this:

Soap Opera version: just an extension of the realities that they pretend to play. These public figures are just more characters in a hybrid-soap opera. Women tend to say nonsense about these relationships like, "Oh, they look so good together", "Wow, I can't believe he would do something like that", "It's a shame he's back on drugs", and "That Ben Affleck sure is talented." Basically, they get emotionally involved in a fantasy world that has little to deal with their lives, and get upset/shocked/happy in the same manner that they do with soap opera-esque things.

Off-Season version: Males, on the otherhand, tend to view celebrity relationships much in the way we view a sports offseason transactions: with less fervent interest and a mildly cold detachment. Though we hope that some players stay with our favorite teams forever, we understand that player movement is just a function of the way the system is set up. So, when men follow this stuff, we tend to say things like, "Did you see that Garner signed Benn Affleck?", "It looks like Pitt isn't going to excercise his option for the upcoming season", and "Man, that Jennifer Lopez sure is a poorly run organization."

3) And another thing, why do women have trouble understanding why Angelina Jolie is so attractive? I mean, just because she's crazy doesn't preclude her from being hot (quite the opposite, actually). Is it so hard to understand that crazy women tend to be seductive because they are crazy? The best I've ever seen it put was in Fatal Instinct, when Armand Assante has his tryst with the Fatal Attraction-esque charater, when she throws him on the floor and rips off his pants and he says, "Oh, this is soooooo... different!" That's attractive. And sure, maybe Angelina Jolie would try and stab you during sex, slash you up or whatever, but dodging a knife might be fun in a kinky sort of way. It's not that it's something we want to do every time, but the idea itself is interesting. Men are curious by nature; trying crazy sexual acts is rooted in the same phenomena as why we want to know why the sky is blue or what stars are made of. I guess it just awakens the sexual scientist in us.

4) Yes, I've already set up the futon for me to sleep on tonight.


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