Grab Bag

"Sure, the British women are ugly, why else did their husbands flee the country and try to colonize theworld? Get away from their womenfolk. When that plan fell through and the empire collapsed, they went to plan B, which is a pub on every corner and a picture of Elizabeth Hurley on every headboard."

"Therapy can be very good; it can be theraputic." -Alex Rodriguez

Think of the children! You're a Catholic and he's an asshole, how would you raise them?

And since, according to the Big Bang theory, the bang was supposed to have happened at the beginning, the big bang leaves out the bang. It tells us nothing about what banged, why it banged, how it banged, or, frankly, whether it ever really banged at all.--Brian Greene, The Fabric of the Cosmos

Isnt it strange that whenever you're single, all you see are couples? And when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers?

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.- Albert Einstein

Esoteric? That's a word only smart people know!

"I dont have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who hates it when I say that." -Mitch Hedberg

And remember, nothing says 'Good Job' like a firm open-hand slap to the behind.

Heisenberg might have been here.

Who wants happiness? It cant buy you money.

If they could turn shit into ink, they would use it to print Jane Austin novels.

Khan!

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Nudity: Its fashion made simple.

Originality is nothing more than an inability to conform.

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