Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Wondering why "Full-Contact Solitaire" never caught on...

Some Random thoughts for a tuesday:

That's right, Random is inexplicably Capitalized. What are you going to do about it, bitch?

My new favorite thing to say to the Resident Female, when she calls me out for not listening to her: "Sorry, but my mom told me it was impolite to point at people, so I was thinking about baseball."

I think no fewer than 4 of my 93 students are addicted to coke. And I think there is a good chance that I am underselling that number.

There are times that I wish I wrote for Family Guy, so I could actually comment on this without feeling like a huge turd. Though I do wonder if she volunteered the information because of a "I'll look like a totally douche if I say it, so mommy, could you do it?" or if this is the MLB version of "the pissed off mother calling up the parents of kids who beat up little Alex on the playground and bitching them out" kind of things.

I still don't like country music. It's like listening to blues sung by pubscent boys hoping their voice will stop cracking and are dressed like they are waiting for little Jimmy and Tommy from down the street to show up in their "Indians" outfits. I don't get it.

Or Nascar, for that matter. And am I the only one that has noticed that the surge in popularity for the sport has pretty much coincided with the steady rise of gas prices to $3 a gallon? I mean, I don't want to lay all the blame on rednecks who enjoy watching car crashes, but then again I could probably sell that; I am an econ grad student. That could be my thesis.

Thanks to a recurring calf injury (once again caused because my new podiatrist sucks huge donkey balls), my body has once again morphed from the beautifully sculpted image of purely manliness into a figure that only alcohol could love. So, basically, now that I have shelled out close to $600 to this douchebag for two sets of new orthotics (which were needed, as the old pair was worn down to the nub), one of which caused a stress fracture in my foot and the other seems to have torn my calf muscle and aggravated my achilles tendon, I think it is about time to go see my old podiatrist in Little Rhody before both my ankles snap and my calf goes all House on me. Chronic pain, especially at 24 years old, really blows ocelot.

You will never win a game when your coach looks like a cross between Christopher Guest, Chad Pennington, and the protagonist from An American Tale.

Mysogonistic google search of the day: !

And one for the ladies: !

And one for the Sox fans: !

Okay, a real one for the sox fans: !

To one of the few people who actually post real comments on my board, istead of spam: Agreed, nutsack is entirely under-utilized. As is calling someone a donkey, making light of back-hair, models whose spine doesn't show through their stomach, witty humor, and the word fungible.


At 9:02 AM, October 18, 2005, Anonymous Gabe Kapler said...

Damn I'm buff!

At 5:09 PM, October 18, 2005, Anonymous Dorf said...

F-in A! A shout-out in blog form!

At 11:35 AM, October 19, 2005, Blogger Lindsey said...

so how is it you got a woman who doesn't get totally pissed when you have a smartass comment for why your not even listening to her, i thought all women got mad at that kind of thing

At 2:04 PM, October 19, 2005, Anonymous Fletcher Austen McGuffin said...

Three simple words: twelve pound cock.


<< Home