Tuesday, June 14, 2005


Mathias "Dusty Gazongas" Hotsis has tacitly asked that I discontinue my childish use of an alias for him, even with a clever and quotated nickname that was stolen from an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode. In fact, he has even gone so far as to in no way imply I should only refer to him henceforth by his full Christian and familial name, A. Sean Feddish. Of course, he is Jewish, which begs the question of whether or not "Christian name" aptly applies to him. Also, to further complicate matters, I believe the gentleman has since renounced his faith and embraced atheism, much in the way that he has embraced so many other elements in his life: passionately and most likely because of alcohol. I would like to extend my fullest and dearest condolences to the degree-seeking fop as he furiously pours over tomes at Cambridge, and can only hope that my most heartfelt and obsequious apologies might comfort him from the despair I have caused. While I'm sure he will continue to binge drink and womanize in addition to his studies, I can only say, "Excelsior to you, my good man! Keep up the good work in all facets of your life, and continue down the noble path which you are forging, for the world will be a better place when you reach your destination."

You see, I look up to good old A. Sean in many ways. Where would I be if I had never heard him proclaim such wise words as, "It's not binge drinking if you do it every night?" or "Do you realize that girl you are talking to is unhealthily ugly? Seriously, she's entering Skeletor territory with that make-up job..." Now, while he never actually said either of those comments, you see my point. He is great guy, a funny guy, one hell of a drinker, and he doesn't get mad when I repeatedly get drunk and hit on his girlfriend/sister/mother/housepets, which I've found is rare in this day and age. The man knows how to be a good friend, and I wouldn't want to lose my friendship with him over something so stupid as a nickname, even if he did find it funny and in no way insulting. You only meet so many people throughout the course of your life that you can truly refer to as a great friend, and Seanyboy is one of them. I needed to use this space to let that be known. I guess my whole point comes down to this: if you know nothing else about A. Sean Feddish, know that he has a great ass.


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