Thursday, June 09, 2005

Clarification

Having been mocked by a Jim Belushi quotation (Jim Belushi? Who the hell quotes Jim Belushi? Especially for comedic effect? That's the equivalent of quoting a Frank Stallone boxing movie or voting for Roger Clinton), I want to clarify my points about the Pedro post, as well as what was insinuated by Belushi:

1) No roster gets better when removing one of the two best right-handed pitchers of the last decade, even if he is in decline. However, when financial constraints are factored in (especially in terms of the years on the deal), the move isn't as horrific. The Sox chose an everyday player over him, and a damn good one at that.

2) Pitching against hitters that you have never seen in a division with fewer strong-hitting lineups (not even mentioning the lack of DH) is going to help any pitcher's numbers.

3) Pedro is a diva, no doubt about it. The "idiot" thing was kind of funny for about 20 seconds, but reducing the number of clubhouse jackasses to Millar and Damon is an ancillary benefit

4) Pedro definitely worked out in the offseason moreso than in prior years under contract with Boston, and that likely has led to some of his early success

5) I appreciate that the guy brought a WS title to Boston, and that he had the best three-year run in history for a righthander (by several metrics) while pitching for Boston. I'd rather see him rejuvenate himself elsewhere than flop here (and moving to the NL has helped him a lot).

6) Ben Affleck is a horse's colon. I wholly blame the media not only for his creation, but also his association with Boston. Just because some rectum-breathed doofus can't act and says something vapid about baseball doesn't mean he deserves a microphone in his face. That's what blogs are for. Anyway, I would bet that the people of Boston would all chip in rather handsomely to have him chemically castrated and have his vocal cords disabled. I know I'd go as far as selling a kidney on the black market for this.

7) I'm sure Cleveland feels the same way about Drew Carey being the face of their football team. I doubt Chicago would want Jim Belushi representing them if they actually knew who he was.

8) I will say that Jim Belushi does know what he is talking about, though, when he mentions how you hate the guy that was lucky enough to hit the lottery. Seriously, how many jobs has this assbag got for hitting the genetic lottery by being his brother's brother? Wouldn't it stand to reason that someone whose brother is possibly the funniest "fat guy" in history would have even a smidgen of comedic ability, and not be just a whore who steps on his brother's memory to turn a quick buck? I mean, come on, Jake Blues is dead, and advancing your non-existent career by bastardizing this great character is the movie equivalent of trying to hand West Point over to the British.

9) I never believed in the curse, other than that it meant Dan Shaugnessy was destined to keep his job instead of being slaughter and fed to pigs.

10) " Nuggets of Zen" sounds like a German "Schiza" movie.

11) George Will can chew on the back of my ass. I never liked the whole "tortured" angle that the media played up, but I can assure you that myself and most of my friends were not of that variety. While we're at it, let's throw Jimmy Fallon under the bus again for propagating the incredibly offense and stupid stereotype that the media saddled on all Boston fans. I hate this stuff, just like I'm sure Dodgers and Braves fans hate be characterized as disinterested and unpassionate, Chicago fans as emotionally devoid of hope, or Texas Rangers fans as toothless gun-toting rednecks. These stereotypes are fueled by the media, and are written by the same people who complain that they are so sick of hearing about the teams that they puff up. These are the same people that have jammed Mike Tyson down our throats for years, even though nobody gives half a damn about watching his fights. Media: please shut the fuck up, get some fresh angles on stories, and stop regurgitating nuggets of shit in lieu of real thought and analysis.

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On a different note, I would like to throw a giant congratulations to Cam Neely for his election to the hall of fame. The first and best power forward in hockey's history, he and Borque are the greatest players I've had the pleasure of seeing play in person. A monster of a man, he was as elegant as he was powerful, and I can only imagine what his career would have been if it weren't for his terrible condition with his thigh. The numbers he put up in a decade are better than a most players could put up in two. My favorite Bruin is finally getting his due from the Hall, and I'm very pleased.

3 Comments:

At 2:18 PM, June 09, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

jesus, dude, calm down. you have some serious anger management issues. it's no one's fault that your blog is not funny. sorry, man, maybe you should just talk less about baseball and more about something you know about. like sucking at life.

 
At 2:43 PM, June 09, 2005, Blogger Fletcher Austin McGuffin said...

Thank you for raining on my parade. I'm sorry that my sunny disposition has not come through clearly, and that my unpublished, unedited, and random thoughts on this site do not reach the standards to which you usually hold blogs. My bad. I will try to do better a better job discussing baseball when I finish taking out my anger on an unsuspecting puppy.

 
At 12:07 PM, June 10, 2005, Anonymous nietoo said...

Nobosy likes hocket

 

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