Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Man, I am light-headed

If this post spirals off into insanity (moreso than usual?) or has really bad grammar, I apologize. I went for a very lengthy run today on my lunch break, so I didn't have time to pick-up lunch. Usually I would just go to the cafeteria, but they don't take credit cards and my ATM card was stupidly left at home (thus precluding me from using the machine that my employer graciously provides, for only a $4 fee and a lubeless penetration). Anyway, I am now (airquotes) functioning on a night of poor sleep, a grapefruit, a cup of coffee, a cup of green tea, and endorphines. Seriously, at this point, I am now a few doses of methamphetamines and a terrible mustache away from becoming a truck driver. Anyhow, on with today's rant:

1) Book number three on my list of best-written is a hard one. I slotted this space for the book that dictates the emotion of the characters, and I am torn between Das Boot and American Psycho. While Das Boot captures the page-turning excitement and the dreadfully slow nature that is life on a submarine, I think that American Psycho (Brett Easton Ellis) takes the role just because the character is a more outlandish persona to emulate, and the satirical nature of the book makes for a more cerebral read. Essentially, the book is a first-person narrative that follows the life of Patrick Bateman, an ego-driven corporate yuppie on Wall Street in the 1980s, who just happens to murder people in his free time. Everything about the guy is consumed with status and exterior presentation, while failing to acknowledge the consequences of being driven only by greed and disgust. What really sets this novel on it's way is the extremely flat and descriptive tone the author uses. Bateman describes everything in meticulous detail, from the clothes to the hair to the job of each character in the book, while moving through the repetitive and redundant life of his social interactions; their lives are consumed by image, whether it be where they have dinner or what they wear. The descriptions are so thorough that it becomes incredibly boring; as a reader, you become almost numb to the narrative and start skimming and reading faster. Then, without warning, there suddenly are the torture and murder scenes. The anger, hatred, and violent acts are so sudden and jarring (and also so descriptive), and they come almost without warning, and end quickly as well. The incredible boredom of the daily life, coupled with the intense nature of the violent scenes, creates such contrast in emotional strength that it is almost like reading an entirely different book. One minute you are skimming a description of a tanning bed and a workout regime, the next you are reading about the horrible murder of a stranger. As the book wears on, and the descriptive boredom of his life drags, the reader begins to find himself wanting to come to murder scene just to break up the drudging and slow pace of the rest of the character's day; in that way, Bateman's bloodlust begins to infect the reader. There is a creepy and self-reflective air to the book when viewed in that light, while also touching on the themes of how Wall Street dehumanizes the innocent people much the way Bateman does his victims, the shallow nature that is the pursuit of status and class, and the arbitrary classifications of what matters and what doesn't in the society of excess.

2) Finally saw Revenge of the Sith. Without trying to give too much away to those who didn't see it yet, here are my quick thoughts:
-Judging by her lack of development, Natalie Portman's role in the whole thing is that of a pod.
-Hayden Christiansen is a poor actor, but not as poor as Lucas' dialogue makes him.
-Why didn't they just drop the subtlety and have him say, "Execute plan 666!" instead of plan 66?
-Samuel L. Jackson's character really didn't need to be in the movies at all
-If they turned every 25-minute battle scene into a 5-minute one, and trimmed the fat from the story, the first three episode together could have made a good 2-hour movie
-Yoda's grammar became really distracting by the end. Not sure if they should have had him speak less, or just not have as many long sentences. All I could hear in my head by the end was what he would say in the adult version, Star Whores: "Mmm, toss you salad I will."
-Either they turned Anakin too quickly, or I really missed something; I realize it was supposed to be jarring, but it could have gotten at least a minute plus of screen time.
-Overall, though, it was much better than the other two. I liked it (didn't love it), in that I respected the improvements over the previous two, and it was a bit better than what I expected it to be.

3) I hate the Orioles. Specifically, I hate Brian Roberts, Miguel Tejada, Rodrigo Lopez, and Ted Lilly. I realize Ted Lilly plays for Toronto, but he is just like Lopez. Both are crap pitchers, except when they play us. Lopez has made 5 good starts this year, Lilly 3; 4 of those came against the Red Sox. Tejada annoys me, because he is a huge whinny bitch. Whether he is complaining to umps and not running to the bag, acting like he just severed his arm when he gets a mild ding, or having that cocky strut thing he does (while getting offended by Manny walking after a home-run or Lowe being an idiot), that man pisses me off. Plus, I know a woman that looks just like him who also pisses me off. Brian Roberts annoys me because he only hits fastballs, yet pitcher keep throwing them to him. He is like the pitcher who gets 20 wins because the team puts up 9 runs for each of their starts; I just want to grab him by the shoulders and scream "You aren't as good as your stats, you craptacular whore!" until I pass out or he starts crying.

4) Also, I hate the Orioles for always having a winning record in Fenway. The last two years, they are 16-4 at our home park. I don't know what it is, but they seem to have a huge advantage in BABIP when they come to Fenway, and part of me wonders if they figured out a way to steal our signs there. It's really weird, because they don't have anywhere close to that same BABIP at Camden Yard against us, even when controlling for park effects. Just annoying.

5) I also hate the Orioles because of their douchebag of an owner. He proclaimed to anyone who would listen that the DC metro area couldn't support two teams. Wrong, the problem is that Baltimore can't support one. Now that assbag comes away with a guaranteed sell-off price and the TV rights to the Nationals. Hey, dicksuck! Maybe if you had actually run your team well and put out a product that played well, you wouldn't have to worry about record lows in attendance this year!

Also, I wouldn't mind as much that they played the Sox so tough if they didn't grab their ankles every time the Yankees came within 50 miles of Baltimore. Seriously, with the Sox, the relationship is that of "scrappy upstart" to the "big bad favorite", whereas with Yanks it is more "fat girl with low self-esteem" to "drunken frat boy with roofies".


At 4:32 PM, May 31, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, aren't you just the prototypical whinny red sox fans. Didn't you guys just win the World Series last year? God forbid the Orioles should want to make things interesting in the AL East! The earth rotates on its axis which is more or less located at the two poles, which is no where near Fenway Park. Tejada is the best Shortstop in the major leagues. He plays with intensity and is a big part of the Orioles’ success. You say he is whinny, but can you tell me the last time he went on the disabled list? He is very tough and loves to play, so much so that, when most MLB shortstops are relaxing during their off-seasons he goes and plays winter ball. Stop crying and enjoy a good AL East pennant race.


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