Monday, May 23, 2005

Shivering in bed is still better than spreadsheets

So I'm sick, currently curled up in front of the computer screen, shivering, and wrapped in a comforter. As such, I feel the need to write a long and involved entry today will have to take a back seat to excessive sweating. But here are the things that I have thought of while slipping in between fever hallucinations:

1. I do not plan on going to see The Longest Yard. Adam Sandler was one of the funniest men on earth for a couple seasons of SNL then two and a half movies. If you go back and re-watch The Waterboy (if you get bored of stabbing toothpicks into you tender-areas), you can actually pinpoint the moment where his career fell apart. The man hasn't been funny since. I know it's strange, but if you sat me down and had me watch Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, then told me 5 years later I would boycott a movie just because he was in it, there is a large probability I would have insulted your father for raising a liar.

2. I have yet to see Episode III, but I have been told it is "much better than the other two". Now, Episode II was on television last night, and I had forgotten exactly how bad the movie was. Despite Hayden Christensen making me shoot flat coke out my nose because I was so surprised at the crappiness of his acting that I had to laugh, I genuinely forgot why I had come up with the term "Lucased". For example, the guys who made the Matrix got Lucased. As did Adam Sandler, Quentin Tarantino, the script-writers for Ocean's 12, and Hitler. Essentially, getting "Lucased" is when you have some sort of success, people proclaim this person a genius (or, in the case of Hitler, a military mastermind), and then they lose it. Suddenly, everything they think of is going to be a success, and instead they grind out crap that not only sucks, but actually taints the prior successes because they take the successful elements and just beat them into the ground so hard that they strike oil, whether that mistake be Mister Deeds or invading Russia. I guess what I'm getting at is that I will probably see the movie, if just to shut off my brain and watch pretty colors flicker about, but even "much better" doesn't instill me with the hope that it will even be marginally good.

3. Mucus is not pleasant.

4. Juan Iribe, in the tradition of Bobby Doer's hidden ball trick, made a heck of a fake on Carlos Lee.

5. I still don't care about horse-racing, probably for the same reason I don't like watching NASCAR, or sitting in front of the dryer. I just don't like watching things go around in circles, even if they are as good a reason as any to get drunk.

6. Glad the Pats have Troy Brown back, but I'm not sure where he fits in the depth chart. Good to have him back, though.

7. I'm not sure when Hollywood decided that "sexy" meant "not enough body fat to menstrate", but I don't like it. Women of the world, please note: if your spinal column is visible through your stomach, you need to eat a hamburger.

8. Song of the Day: Cannon by Zox
Movie: Orgazmo - Trey Parker (of South Park fame) second film, about a Mormon porn actor. Not quite as refined as other stuff, but still very funny.
Quotation: "The Christian Right is neither" - some bumper sticker


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