Thursday, May 19, 2005

Online Nomenclature

I recently recieved comment from a friend of mine, let's call him Greg S., wait, that's too obvious, uh... G. Schen, that made reference to my name using airquotes (or, in their typed form, ""). Oh, yes, my good friend, the irony was not lost upon these ears (eyes? cerebral cortex? Bah, let's just say I got it...). So I thought I would address the nature of my online alias. I have tripartate reasoning behind why I chose to not use my real name:

1) By not writing under my given name, as the writer I get a slight psychological disconnect from my own personality, allowing me to better explore comedic avenues both through self-deprecating humor and assumed personas that I would otherwise not attain chained down to my lowly title. That, and I'm a huge coward.

2) Eleven of the first fifteen entries when putting my name into google come back with photos of my naked ass. While I am proud of some of the more artistic galleries, there are also others which I feel do not paint me in the best light (the one with the 2-liter soda bottle especially), and I did not want my previous mistakes to cast an assumed light over your reading of this and to prevent the work from standing on its own.

3) A woman at my job recently was fired for things she wrote in her own weblog. Sure, some people say she was fired because of gross negligence. There were also rumors that she violated a job requirement by entering into a conflict of interest in her business dealings. Others still claim that her embezzlement was the straw that broke the camel's back. But I know better, and I'm not taking any chances with my last few weeks on the job.

Now, as to why I selected my assumed nomen, cognomen, and praenomen, here were my reasons:

Fletcher Austin, well, is a bit of an inside joke. Unfortunately, those not from my hometown of Big Watts will likely not get it, nor would it be remotely funny if I attempted to explain with out acting out the more physical elements of the story, which I admit is one of the troubles with writing on the internet. While I could make a video stream that might illuminate the decision, I fear that I would then have 12 of the first fifteen 15 google links giving access to my rear-end, and I promised my resident female I would do my damnedest to keep those links below 80%.

As for McGuffin, it is just a hilarious name. You see, McGuffin rhymes with muffin. I am sure we all can agree that muffins are the second most hilarious of all breakfast items, and I didn't think Fletcher Austin McPoachedEggs had as nice a ring to it.

So there you have the history of my naming. While I'm sure a simple "because I liked it" would have sufficed, I did think I owed it to you, my one reader, a full and detailed explaination. In conclusion, I think it is atrocious that some societies still look down upon wife swapping.


At 12:00 PM, May 19, 2005, Anonymous McDorfman said...

Let it be known that I Googled the alleged 'Fletcher,' and found no results that actually related to him. Frankly, I'm kind of relieved. I was curious to see under what circumstances his bare ass was shown, but now I'm glad I didn't see any of those pictures.

Word to the wise: Go to Google, click on the Images search, and search for Heidi Klum. You won't be disappointed.

P.S.: If you're a girl, you can't be "wise," so you shouldn't have bothered following those directions.

P.P.S.: I hope Fletcher has some female readers, so we can get a hearty debate going.

At 1:47 PM, May 19, 2005, Blogger Fletcher Austin McGuffin said...

I know I have one, as Lauren responded to my Review, Accents, and OBP post.

I do know that The Resident Female wishes nothing to do with reading this blog, though perhaps she tells me that so I let my gaurd down and make mention of my torrid sex parties that I hold in the other room after she falls asleep.


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