Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I Don't Trust Kevin Millar, and Neither Should You!

Thoughts on the state of MLB right now:
1. Millar is the Mafia of the Red Sox. If I may use an extremely over-worked cliche: every time I think I'm out, he sucks me back in. I have staunchly supported the guy to several of my friends over the years, whether the claim be that he is a sub-par defender (he's getting better!), a crappy hitter (even in his cold streaks he still gets on base!), or that he is Manny's pet monkey (uh... no he's not?). Sure, sometimes I secretly hope he will strike out because it means he won't ground into a double play. Yes, the man runs like a prop on a women's rugby team. I'll even grant you that he is the only player I have ever seen hit a double and get thrown out at first (why, oh, why did he turn around and head back to first?). Yet I was sitting there last night, watching the game in which Millar had singlehandedly given away (two runs that really were his fault, even though only one was charged to his errors), and my resident woman was trashing him. I knew with Ortiz on first, down by a run with one out, and Dotel on the mound, things did not look good. I said, "one swing and the game is over." Hoping for the dinger, dreading the GIDP, I had a moment of lost faith in the guy. So of course he goes yard. As such, I have decided I will never have faith in him again; and if you care at all for the Red Sox, neither will you.

2. Schadenfreude. They may have won four straight, but the Yankees are a mess. They have a historically bad defense (currently the worst batting average of balls in play in history by 15 points) behind a ragged and old pitching staff, a lineup half-filled with DHs, and no defense off the bench. And the offense is currently being carried by a light-hitting corpse at first base and an old second baseman who looks like a pug and is trying to play a corner-outfield spot. Do I think the Yanks will totally implode? No, I don't. I think down the stretch they will put the fear into myself and a few other AL East teams by feasting on the dreck that inhabits the American League because that is what they are a team designed for, yet they will ultimately fail. They will look like all-stars again while playing the weak-pitching teams with a few hitters that can be worked around (See: Athletics, Oakland. See Also: Royals, Kansas City). Yet, they are now relying on a 41-year-old stork with no cartiledge in his knee and a history of back problems and currently sporting a sore groin to lead them back to the glory (hole) of years past. Of course, this whole abomination is costing more than the bottom five payrolls in the major leagues combined, and the MFY still sit with a losing record with the season a fifth of the way done. It may not last, but I am enjoying it right now.

3. Barry Bonds = Nut Gobbler. It's that simple. I don't care; he isn't playing; let's just stop talking about him.

4. The Orioles have made one hell of a bid to firmly nail down 3rd place in the division by June. (Please note, I would love it if they came in second to the Sox).

5. Roger Clemens continues to infuriate me. This year, he screwed over Houston by saying, "Sure, I'd love to pitch for you guys again. Cause, you know, I had such a great time last year, and we were so good, and I nearly led us to the world series before I blew game seven. Why not? Go ahead and put me on the roster. With a 440%, $17 million raise." Now, he seems to be making the veiled suggestion that the Astros may not want to release the grip on their ankles just yet. He is making it known that he will want to be traded to a contender if the season doesn't turn around, but he only wants to go to the one team that has absolutely nothing to offer in terms of prospects or manageable big-league contracts. Yes, the Rocket wants back in pinstripes because he is getting no run support on a sub-.500 team (Randy Johnson says "hi"). So he wants to be spun off to the Yankees. Yea, like The Big Eunuch before him, he has dictated to his team that they must either shape up or trade him for absolutely nothing. Fabulous stuff. Throw in that there is an addition $3 million in his pocket for being traded (bringing his 2 month rental cost to a total of $12 million), and I think you see were I'm going with this. Is there anyone out there that actually likes this guy? Does he just enjoy pissing fan-bases off (4 and counting)? When he is inducted into the hall of fame, will he be dressed like Heidi Fleiss?

6. Am I the only one that thinks it is funny that the spell-checker, when reading the word "dreck", comes back with the suggestion "Derek"? Now if I could only get it to recognize "poor-fielding shortstop hyped by the New York media" to come back with "Jeter" I would be all set...


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