Friday, May 20, 2005


I don't have anything particularly interesting of note to rant about today, so I thought I would throw out a few odds and ends:

1) In interleague play, the Atlanta Braves are considered the the Sox' geographic rival. I am confused, as the only reason they are considered such is that the Braves franchise, two cities ago, was based in Boston. That, and I've once heard Atlanta referred to as "The Boston of the South". Meh. I suggest we get Philly, just because it is a much more poorly run franchsie, and readjusting this would allow Baltimore to now face Washington.

2) People don't use big words enough. While I'm all for profanity, I find that there is an added satisfaction when slipping a charientism past a particularly excerbose galctophage. Seriously, if you were to say to a stranger, "Dude, your sister's a slut!" he would most likely be offended and proceed to throttle you as if he had regal influence secured through divine right. Yet, if you were to say, "My fine oligiphrenial coxcomb, I must confess that I deign your steatopygous soror to be a rampallion who engages in excessive venery on a quotidian regime" why, he might think you were paying him a compliment! While I am sure that some of you might admonish me for the pleonastic and capricious manner in which I dole out such witicisms, I can only surmise that you yourselves have never known the joy of having a barbed insinuation be received by the target as a pleasant admission. If this is the case, I can assure you that you have never lived. The power of big words demands utilization.

3) Featured quotation of the day comes from Frank Sinatra: I feel sorry for people that don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's the best they'll feel all day.

4) Featured song of the day: Funky C Funky Do "I Do Believe We're Naked". Bonus points for anyone who remembers what song that replaced when it made its way to number one in the charts.

5) Featured movie of the day is Safe Men, which is a delightfully light comedy. Includes early performances by Sam Rockwell and Steve Zahn; the off-beat humor and numerous Rhode Island references makes for a hilarious movie. I highly recommend; I view it as a Napoleon Dynamite style humor, only with a slightly more cogent plot and a little less awkwardness for the sake of being awkward.

6) Featured website is a blatant rip-off of Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Try it out.

7) For the record, the insult above loosely translates as: My fine "mindless" "troubled youth", I must confess that I "concede" your "big-assed" "sister" to be a "wanton woman" who engages in "excessive" "sexual exploits" on a "daily" "basis".


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