9 Innings? 9 Random Points

1. Well, after 7 full days as a married man, I've got to say I don't notice much difference. Granted, the bling can be a bit painful while working out and a bit distracting otherwise, but not much has changed. Granted, the wedding was as expensive as hell, so I'm very broke at the moment, but that is about it. We already were living together, the Resident Female is still a demon in the sack, and we still barely survived a Pats/Bengals MNF game without me being stabbed. It's good to be married.

2. Dane Cook. It's time to talk about Dane Cook. I don't know if anybody has noticed, but that guy is just not funny. Really, he strikes me as a poor man's Ryan Renolds who forgot to take his bipolar meds. I realize that he is considered to be the pre-eminant stand-up comedy of this generation, but that makes me more sad than anything else. He isn't funny, he is just mildly goofy and has an eye for self-promotion.

3. ALCS. Beckett was superb. Daisuke was underwhelming, but that is what Playoff Tito and our bullpen are for. Schilling looked like Burkett, but guiled his way through the Angels like the intelligent professor he is. The bullpen? Goodnight. Seriously, I don't care what team you are facing, a 1.33 ERA is pretty damn impressive. 4 runs in 27 innings is good enough proof to suggest the Sox can push into the series, before we talk about Papi, Manny et al getting into their grooves. Fabulous.

4. I was strangely disappointed and self-doubting about the Pats only winning against the Browns by a margin of 17, and letting them get back within 10 twice. I have my theories, including BB letting up a bit in the 2nd half to help his boy Romeo out, but I'm to the point of being spoiled that the Pats are just poetry in motion. We'll see how good these guys truly are at Dallas, at Indy, at Baltimore, and hosting the Steelers & Eagles; but for now, you know it is a priveledge to feel disappointed with a 17-point win.

5. Ronan Tynan is a douche. Ice the reliever all you want, but you are still a baldy-headed fuck with Kyle Farnsworth-esque ears. Seriously, that guy annoys the living crap out of me.

6. Honestly, if I actually cared about the Celtics, I would have to say this is an unbelievable time to be a Boston fan. We are coming off just a phenomenal couple of years where the Sox have been contending for a while, look to be doing so moving forward, and mid-run on a very promising potential for another WS win. The Pats have managed to win 3 superbowls, retool, accumulate a few choice draft picks (despite a lost 1st rounder), and have one of the most beautiful offenses this league has ever seen. If Jeremy Jacobs weren't a complete tool (and Alex Ovechkin weren't so tempting a player to root for in DC, forcing me to be moderately NHL-conflicted), I'd be completely satisfied with my sports life. Best time to be a Boston fan. I hope it doesn't end anytime soon.

7. TBS is killing me. Honestly, there is a large part of me that is actually looking forward to the dulcet tones of Joe Buck and the inchorent melody of Tim McShithead butchering players' names and passing superior and irrelevant moral dictums for little apparent cause. By the way, has anyone on that station yet announced that Manny Ramirez tied the post-season homerun record in the last game? No? And what about Julio Lugo "Got him. Uh, under the tag, he's in" not-caught-stealing call? Goodbye TBS, hello shitty network!

8. My prediction of "3rd inning injury" was correct, but the "down 0-6" was wrong. Regardless, it is nice to see Fat Billy Roger Clemens tank another post-season performance and blame it on a phantom injury. The only way I would have been happier with that performance was if his elbow exploded in a bloody mess while his fat forearm went pinwheeling off into the New York night like a Skihl saw. I hate that fat fuck.

9. Joba is also fat, and it was very satisfying to see him attacked by a bunch of trash-loving gnats. Boy must smell like trash, because nobody else seemed nearlty as bothered by the bugs. Though I do hope the Yanks make the series go 5 before losing spectacularly to Sabathia and the indians in 25 innings, burning out all the arms in both bullpens, making the Sox face a worn and battered opponent.