Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Modern Day Dictionary

It's time for Fletcher to unleash upon the English language his collection of recent terms and words that he feels need to be incorporated more in daily discourse:

Let's Spay This Puppy!: The new, cooler, hipper version of "let's do it!" Provides enough disregard for mixed company and creates a disgusting enough mental image that it shows how truly focused and enthusiased you are concerning the task at hand. Whether you are preparing for a road trip, taking off your pants for an unexpected coitus, or merely about to take a large dump, this versatile phrase can frame any event in the proper light.

Echo Boomers: Also called the Millenials, the generation of children born to the Baby Boomers (note, this isn't a Fletcher Original, but it still has it's place). Mostly this refers to children born in the 1980-1995 range, as the mid to late 70s babies are often lumped into the end of the "Generation X" group, or sometimes given their own tweener group called "Generation Y". The oldest Echo Boomers are those that are a few years into the work force, and the youngest are approaching high school.

AA Breath: Horrible breath that comes from drinking massive quantities of coffee and smoking several cigarrettes. So named after the group that does nothing but these two activities for large stretches of time during the cathartic process.

Nouveau Poor: The compliment to Nouveau Riche, this is a term to describe the second, third, or fourth generation rich who have seen their fortunes dwindle or erased because of an adherence to a profligate lifestyle. This category is becoming much more popular with the baby-boomer generation, as many of their parents raised their children as members of golf clubs, summer houses, and various other high lifestyles that require large amounts of money to facilitate. Many of these children find that their salaries and their drive in the working world barely support these lifestyle, if at all, and as such means that they have little or no retirement money set aside. Unfortunately, myself and the rest of the Echo Boomers (q.v.) will be supporting the Nouveau Poor with our Social Security checks, as well as paying for their national debt and our burdensome student loans. Basically, the Nouveau Poor are shitting all over the Echo Boomers, as well as their own grandchildren that are still bouncing around in our flesh balloons, by not taking care of their own finances but also by voting to maintain Social Security.

Kidding on the Square: Joking, but not really. A term first pioneered by Al Franken, it has quite a bit of merit. Essentially, whenever you make a joke that is not really a joke, you are kidding on the square.

Homeless Man's: A really crappy version of a Poor Man's description. First pioneered by Bill Simmons, this is also deserves inclusion in the lexicon. For example, if Yuengling Lager is the poor man's Samuel Adams, and Lucky Lager is the poor man's Yuengling Lager, then Lucky Lager is the homeless man's Samuel Adams.

Bourp: A new term to describe the little reflux you sometimes get when you burp too vociferously and you get a mini-throwup.

Esprit d'Escalar: The perfect comeback. Literally French for "spirit of the stairs", this is the comeback or retort that you think of hours after the fact (Oh yeah? Well the Jerk Store just called 'cause they're running out of you!). So named because these perfect retorts seem to come to you while doing seemingly random things like walking up a flight of stairs or anally raping your dog. While I am remiss to add anything French to the English language, (after all, it is wrong to be French) I think this expression has some value. At least until we come up with a better term of our own, besides "Fuck!"

Swipey: The physical action of moving two fingers up or down someone's asscrack to tickle them, since the movement mimics the way one would swipe their credit card. Why I even thought of this, I don't know. However, I may start Beta testing the move on the Resident Female to see if it has the desired effect. Results to follow.


Post a Comment

<< Home