Oh man

7:34 AM - Stimulants. Need stimulants. Coffee, coke, doctor pepper, methamphetamines, what ever. Need stimulants. Can't function. Can't write proper sentences. Please help. Energy shortage. Dying. Only half hour past, nine more to go. Can't do it. Only morning? Does the english language provide anything stronger than profanity to show disgust? Should have employed a poet. Damn.
7:57 AM - Can't do work, must type into weblog to waste more time at work. I knew I shouldn't have done crack off that hooker's ass-crack. Irony too great, causing ridiculous hangover/system malfunction next morning. Oh, wait, didn't actually do that. Must be some reason. Going to the bathroom to cough up phlegm.
8:15 AM - Must be funny so as to make readers happy. Must survive long enough to get into grad school. Get degree. Get cushy research post at small liberal arts college and sleep with co-eds. Lose house in divorce. Mathematically prove that tequila is evil and recieve Nobel Prize. Sleep with more students. When will end of day come?
8:26 AM - Getting up for more coffee. Hoping this rambling isn't as psychotic as it probably is. Oversaturation of caffiene making a dervish in the center of my chest. Is it too early in the morning to us a word like "dervish"? Yes. Oh well. More caffiene!
8:31 AM - Screw it. I'm going to Krispy Kreme.