Sunday, December 31, 2006

Tough thoughts on divorce

The Resident Female recently recieved an email from a Brazilian paralegal she used to work with at her old firm of Stalin, Satan, & Hilton in which he chronicled the events of his brief marriage and resulting divorce that all occurred since the last time she talked to him, all of 12 months ago. This of course led to a lengthy discussion about the inequities and complications of the divorce process in general and the splitting of assets specifically. Amidsts all this hemming and hawing, once again I, Fletcher Austin McGuffin, came up with a plan that will ultimately benefit society. So, without further ado, here is my plan for divorce: rather than splitting up assets 50-50 and squabbling over who gets the house, who gets the kids, child support, alimony, etc, one person will get to leave the marriage with everything. Which member of the marriage that is will be decided by doing a 10-step duel with pistols at dawn to be supervised by an officer of the court.

Think about it, this would be great. First, there would be a clear winner and a legal system in place to prevent the long and drawn out (and costly) battles that often accompany divorce. Second, the winning party is pretty much garaunteed to feel some kind of closure. Third, I'm pretty sure it would cut down on the divorce rate in the country. Win-win-win. So, dear readers, let me know what you think.


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